Writing Humor + Tips + Podcast: What’s Pro-Choice by K E Garland

Now that things loosened up COVID-wise — and I’ve gotten immunizations 1 and 2 and booster, a regular flu shot, plus before the shots rolled out I got sick with COVID (and I’m still dealing with resulting sensory probs) — I’m socializing a bit. That’s less time to work on my novels h-e-r-e, but such is the push/pull of pleasure/work…

That pic above is muddy me relaxing at Glen Ivy Hot Springs’ many therapeutic pools, including natural mineral ones. Interestingly, when I searched for a link to describe it to you better than I can, turns out up Emissaries of Devine Light owned it until recently. They still have a huge track of lush resort-looking (at least from the outside) land next to it. Depending on who you ask, EDL is a spiritual organization or a cult started in 1932 by Lloyd Arthur Meeker.

Notes and tips, in no particular order…

Podcasting 1 — today’s episode h-e-r-e (original blog post for it h-e-r-e): Want to take part in keeping abortion rights legal? Volunteer clinics need escorts. H-e-r-e’s Infidel753’s guest blog post about his experience. T-h-i-s link tells about these Minnesota humanitarians who freeze their buts off to do it.

Blogging 1: Are you as utterly gratified as me that readers visit from all over the world? The latest reader to pop by hales from Madagascar. Did you know over 90% of the island’s wildlife is found nowhere else on Earth? Sadly, humans threaten their ecosystems and wildlife…

Podcasting 2: Since I’m using my current podcast of this blog to experiment before I convert my future novels into a serialized story-telling podcast, I love hearing of others who’ve succeeded doing just that. Welcome to Night Vale makes a tidy sum from selling stuff, h-e-r-e’s their Wiki page, like tickets to their show’s stage performances, novels, and merchandise!

Writing: When you write, do you listen to anything? Lyrics and tunes distract me. If they’re really good, I want to look up the artists, and one thing leads to another, none of it writing. Enter Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. ASMR has to do with how simple sounds, birds and footsteps and chatter and wind and such, can be lovely. Check out t-h-i-s seven-hour video of a Paris jazz dance club.

Blogging 2: Ever wonder why some images and posts on your site are more popular than others? I’m continually scratching my head over that one. For instance, I don’t have a way to formally calculate how many folks click on what, but it seems a lot enjoy these photos of Pinkie and The Blue Boy I used in t-h-i-s post about the Huntington Library.

Influencing: Should I be flattered that lately junk mailers refer to this blog as a “micro influencer”?

Animation: Wanna try converting your text into animation? Great! I made a really cute one for you to see from t-h-i-s blog post of Khashayar’s healthy carrot cake recipe and t-h-i-s podcast episode, but I can’t show it to you. Whatever you do, do not use the freebie at video maker simple. Absolutely do not use it. Only after hours of learning to make and polish one using their supposed freebie, did they state I’d have to pay to upload and download it. When I complained, they basically told me not to complain. So don’t use that one.

Podcasting 3: In one way, converting WordPress dot com blog posts into AnchorFM podcast episodes is super easy. In another, not entirely. To be “read-aloud-able,” posts need massaging of image captions, links, tweaking spelling and punctuation for the sake of pronunciations and pacing, etc. To get around the incompatibility, I set up a different WordPress dot com blog where I copy posts from here, edit them at the other blog, and send the revised ones to Anchor.

For Anchor to convert them, they need to be publicly published. Rather than have the weird blog/text versions confusing people, once I finalize the audio versions, I delete the text ones.

Here’s the rub — and the solution, which took me ages to figure out when neither WordPress nor Anchor could. Once I delete the blog post, the episode shows at my AnchorFM list on my desktop computer, but gives an error message when I try to publish it. Turns out, thank goodness, I can publish it from my iPad (and iPhone maybe too?). Once published, I can further edit it on my desktop. Whew!

33 Language Funnies…

1. A woman without her man is nothing. Sorry… A woman: without her, man is nothing.
2. Space: the difference between a kid napping and a kidnapping.
3. I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry… I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.
4. A cop just knocked on my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. I told him, “That’s impossible. My dogs don’t own bikes.”
5. I’m giving up drinking until xmas. Sorry… I’m giving up. Drinking until xmas.
6. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.
7. Let’s eat kids. Sorry… Let’s eat, kids.
8. I’m a grammar doctor: let’s have a look at your colon.
9. You have a body like Adonis. Sorry… You have a body, like Adonis.
10. My teacher told me to name two pronouns. I answered, “Who, me?”
11. Help! I’m stranded on a dessert island. Sorry… I’m stranded on a desert island.
12. Well done, well-done, or well, done?
13. I like cooking dogs and kids. Sorry… I like cooking, dogs, and kids.
14. “I” before “E,” except when either your weird feisty neighbor or his eight foreign heirs forfeit their beige heifers and seize freight.
15. Help a thief. Sorry… Help! A thief!
16. Irony is when someone writes, “Your an idiot.”
17. He’s feeling your nuts. Sorry… He’s feeling you’re nuts.
18. Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? A: One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.
19. Simple riddle: A word in this sentence is misspelled.
20. Q: What’s another name for Santa’s elves? A: Subordinate Clauses.
21. Someone posted they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, “You mean just like the ones grammar use to make?”
22. Grammar: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
23. Homonyms are a reel waist of thyme.
24. A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbit says, “I might be a typo.”
25. Q: What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? A: It was given two consecutive sentences.
26. I’m working in a furniture factory as a drawer.
27. I saw an accident walking down the street.
28. A verb and a noun were dating. They broke up because the noun was too possessive.
29. The patient was released to the outpatient department without dressing.
30. Funny how this sentence makes sense: “All the faith he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life.”
31. I avoid clichés like the plague.
32. When comforting a grammar nerd, tell them softly, “There, their, they’re.”
33. My life is a constant battle of wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends…

Want to read an amazing feat of orthography (the conventional spelling system of a language), go h-e-r-e to Infidel753’s site and prepare to be awed.

Got writing, blog, or pod tips to share?