The right to legal abortions is in mortal danger — I posted about it before, including here and here and here, etc. Lately, between that horror and the recent annual downpour of Mother’s Day “Odes to Motherhood” asserting all women are some sort of mother, plus “mom = saint,” I’ve yearned for another kind of day.
Dear friends, neighbors, and family, keep in mind that “childfree” implies choice, whereas “childless” is its sad opposite. If your language isn’t listed, it’s only for lack of space:
Happy Childfree Day!
!Feliz día sin niños!
روز آزادی کودکان مبارک
Haurrik gabeko Egun zoriontsua!
چائلڈ فری ڈے مبارک ہو۔
Schönen kinderfreien Tag!
해피 차일드 프리 데이
Feliç dia sense nens!
ハッピーチャイルドフリーデー
Glædelig børnefri dag!
无儿童日快乐
La mulți ani fără copii!
ਬਾਲ ਮੁਕਤ ਦਿਵਸ ਮੁਬਾਰਕ
Diwrnod Rhydd o Blant Hapus!
З днем без дітей
Feliĉan Seninfanan Tagon
No offense to kids — I was one myself, hyuk hyuk, but was never into having one.
Seriously, though, as a kid I often reeled over the implication that a woman’s most valuable contribution is as a vessel. Barring that, childhood rumination involved a mini-me who I’d be angelic to in ways that I wished folks would be to me. (Insert genuine listening and caring for mini-me, rather than treating her as an appendage or toy.) Back then, I envied adoptees whose parents, I reasoned, were better equipped to regard their kids as independent and separate souls. If I were ever to become a parent, it would be that way, I told myself.
The two times I got pregnant despite contraceptives freaked me out to the extent that only after terminating them, did I muse on how motherhood might have felt. Still, friends, strangers, and doctors insisted that in due time I would long to be a mother.
Shortly after I married Mr. Marvelous, I was pregnant again. In this case, we get along so well that once some of the initial terror subsided, I chose to go through with the pregnancy. Three months later, I miscarried. Sad, yes. However, it provided a valuable window of empathy for the many women who really want kids but can’t have them.
Also, I reminded myself, if I wanted kids badly, I could just adopt. After a brief glance into what’s involved with fertility drugs and adoption, I knew once and for all that I don’t want motherhood that badly.
My hat is off to those who desire children and become parents.
And I curtsy low for people like me who are best kid-free.
Here are some interviews with people who don’t want kids…
If you’re looking for a man’s take, I found only this one with a guy’s input…
For me, particularly as a younger adult, childfree folks were down-to-earth and easier to be around. Their lives were more fulfilled and interesting. People with kids often acted as if I wasn’t a full adult, even though I fully supported myself and lived independently once I turned eighteen…
Elderly parents moaned a lot about their kids not calling and not visiting. They complained that their grown children only kept in touch when they wanted money, grandkid-sitting, or to tell them what to do. They acted far lonelier than the non-parents who learned early to appreciate a family of friends…
What do you think of childfree people? If you don’t want kids, did people say you’re bound to change your mind? In your opinion, do childfree people seem pitiable or perhaps worse?
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Thank you for sharing!!.. I believe it is up to the individual to follow their dreams and heart and determine their own destiny “Confidence is knowing who you are and not changing it a bit because of someone’s version of reality is not your reality.” (Shannon L. Alder ) … my daughter’s first and present love is horses, had made it clear from day 1 that she did not wish to have children, and as of today, at age 52, has never gotten pregnant or gave birth… she has worked with children and youngsters in the past and present through charities, etc.. 🙂
Until we meet again..
May your day be touched
by a bit of Irish luck,
Brightened by a song
in your heart,
And warmed by the smiles
of people you love.
(Irish Saying)
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thanks for the support of all women including your daughter
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While I am a mom of 2 and did want my son badly to go through IVF, I respect women that have chosen to be child-free.
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thank you ❤
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I’m a proud and happy member of the child-free club!
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❤
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My close friends are both parents and child-free people and we get along just fine. Maybe because I’m not one of those parents who constantly talk about their kids. Both my sister and hub’s sister are child-free, which is one more reason why everyone is enjoying spending time with my kid. I don’t judge. Maybe because once I didn’t want kids myself. It happened and I said, ok, let’s try. 🙂
He’s the love of my life and yet my life changed so much when I became a parent I hardly recognize myself at times. So yes, parenthood has its downsides as well. I’m not idealizing it. Far from it…
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for sure if I had a child, I would love them, so I think I understand, Bojana. your son is fortunate to have a thoughtful loving mother ❤
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My little monster.
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does he say the same about you? just teasing lol
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I’m either a cutie pie or, when he’s pissed, NOT his best friend. With my baby, it’s either or.
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lolol why am I not surprised? nothing in between… but then my husband says I do that to him lol
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I have known all my life that I didn’t want to have children, and would not have been a good parent. I was never told I was wrong or would change my mind, though. I think it’s mostly women who get that. I did get a little push-back from within the family when I decided to get a vasectomy, but I never wavered. To me it was just a matter of avoiding undesirable accidents and not having to worry about birth control any more.
Obviously I don’t think people who choose not to have children are pitiable. Those who want them and cannot have them are to be pitied, and helped so far as is possible. Some people are just not cut out to be parents. On the other hand, I know a couple who really wanted children, and had four, and did an excellent job of raising them. Those are exactly the kind of people who should have them. The wife, by the way, occasionally got raised eyebrows or worse because she had that many kids, because four is a bit unusual in modern America. So it’s not only the child-free who get subtly disapproved.
As for abortion, a woman forced to have a child she doesn’t want seems at high risk for being a neglectful or resentful parent. Freedom of individual choice must always be paramount.
I do worry about falling birth rates. Many countries are reaching the point where there will not be enough workers to support the pension systems for the existing number of retirees (this is becoming a crippling problem in China, for example), and declining population generally foreshadows a stagnant and declining civilization. The “overpopulation” thing is nonsense. The world today has a far larger population than in any previous era, and the vast majority of people have a higher standard of living and a more secure food supply than ever before in history, while the environment in the developed world is in better shape than at any time since industrialization. (The only places that still have famines are places like North Korea and Somalia where the problem is incompetent or absent government, not excessive population.) In the long run the Malthuses and Ehrlichs have never turned out to be right — never.
People who do have children and raise them are engaged in a hugely challenging (and expensive) task that benefits everyone, and deserve all the support society can give them. I would never object to paying more taxes for that purpose. But it has to be a matter of individual choice.
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thanks for weighing in — definitely here in the US we don’t give parents enough support for an already monumental job…
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