Happy Childfree Day + Podcast: K. Parsi’s Herb Salad

Graphic of comic book woman holding her head and saying, "I can't believe I forgot to have children" by Catherine Koettler.
Amazing art by awesome artist Catherine Koettler. I googled her and her (now-defunct?) Flying Fish graphics company, but found no info to credit her properly. I’d love to hear anything you might know about Koettler.

Recipe: Herb Salad Tasty + Easy + Healthy by Khashayar Parsi Happiness Between Tails

#Cooking #Food #Recipe #FreshHerbs #Health Do you have a favorite salad? This recipe for fresh herb salad is fantastic and like no other you’ve tried. My husband, Khashayar Parsi, came up with the recipe. Share your thoughts, experiences, and questions by recording them on my Anchor by Spotify page — or comment at HappinessBetweenTails.com — or email me. Like what you hear? Buy me a coffee. buymeacoffee.com/SupportHBT Time Stamps (where segments begin): HBT introduction Intro to today’s recipe 1:05 Recipe: Herb Salad Tasty + Easy + Healthy by Khashayar Parsi My question for you HBT outro Links used for the HBT blog post of this episode: Original blog post for this episode at Happiness Between Tails. About my own novels in progress. Photos for all the steps to this recipe are available at the HBT post for this show. — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/depe9/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/depe9/support

Click H-E-R-E for my podcast page at AnchorFM. This week’s show is the audio version of Khashayar’s Herb Salad Recipe.

At the Happiness Between Tails podcast page, you’ll also find links to subscribe, hear, and share it via most any platform, from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. Check out the full list of 50+ places.

The right to legal abortions is in mortal danger — I posted about it before, including here and here and here, etc. Lately, between that horror and the recent annual downpour of Mother’s Day “Odes to Motherhood” asserting all women are some sort of mother, plus “mom = saint,” I’ve yearned for another kind of day.

Dear friends, neighbors, and family, keep in mind that “childfree” implies choice, whereas “childless” is its sad opposite. If your language isn’t listed, it’s only for lack of space:

Happy Childfree Day!

!Feliz día sin niños!

روز آزادی کودکان مبارک

Haurrik gabeko Egun zoriontsua!

چائلڈ فری ڈے مبارک ہو۔

Schönen kinderfreien Tag!

해피 차일드 프리 데이

Feliç dia sense nens!

ハッピーチャイルドフリーデー

Glædelig børnefri dag!

无儿童日快乐

La mulți ani fără copii!

ਬਾਲ ਮੁਕਤ ਦਿਵਸ ਮੁਬਾਰਕ

Diwrnod Rhydd o Blant Hapus!

З днем без дітей

Feliĉan Seninfanan Tagon

No offense to kids — I was one myself, hyuk hyuk, but was never into having one.

Seriously, though, as a kid I often reeled over the implication that a woman’s most valuable contribution is as a vessel. Barring that, childhood rumination involved a mini-me who I’d be angelic to in ways that I wished folks would be to me. (Insert genuine listening and caring for mini-me, rather than treating her as an appendage or toy.) Back then, I envied adoptees whose parents, I reasoned, were better equipped to regard their kids as independent and separate souls. If I were ever to become a parent, it would be that way, I told myself.

The two times I got pregnant despite contraceptives freaked me out to the extent that only after terminating them, did I muse on how motherhood might have felt. Still, friends, strangers, and doctors insisted that in due time I would long to be a mother.

Shortly after I married Mr. Marvelous, I was pregnant again. In this case, we get along so well that once some of the initial terror subsided, I chose to go through with the pregnancy. Three months later, I miscarried. Sad, yes. However, it provided a valuable window of empathy for the many women who really want kids but can’t have them.

Also, I reminded myself, if I wanted kids badly, I could just adopt. After a brief glance into what’s involved with fertility drugs and adoption, I knew once and for all that I don’t want motherhood that badly.

My hat is off to those who desire children and become parents.

And I curtsy low for people like me who are best kid-free.

Here are some interviews with people who don’t want kids…

If you’re looking for a man’s take, I found only this one with a guy’s input…

For me, particularly as a younger adult, childfree folks were down-to-earth and easier to be around. Their lives were more fulfilled and interesting. People with kids often acted as if I wasn’t a full adult, even though I fully supported myself and lived independently once I turned eighteen…

Elderly parents moaned a lot about their kids not calling and not visiting. They complained that their grown children only kept in touch when they wanted money, grandkid-sitting, or to tell them what to do. They acted far lonelier than the non-parents who learned early to appreciate a family of friends…

What do you think of childfree people? If you don’t want kids, did people say you’re bound to change your mind? In your opinion, do childfree people seem pitiable or perhaps worse?

My Abortion Story also as Podcast

This post's title over photo of da-AL wearing hooded red cape in the style of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale.
Handmaid’s Tale, anyone?…

My Abortion Story by da-AL Happiness Between Tails

#ReproductiveFreedom #Abortion #HumanRights #Women #ProChoice How much control over your body do you want to give to lawmakers? Roe v Wade is the 1973 landmark United States Supreme Court decision that ensures all women have the right to obtain legal and safe abortions. Tragically, it’s on the verge of becoming history. Share your thoughts, experiences, and questions by recording them on my Anchor by Spotify page — or comment at HappinessBetweenTails.com — or email me. Like what you hear? Buy me a coffee. buymeacoffee.com/SupportHBT Time Stamps (where segments begin): HBT introduction Intro to today’s topic 1:05 My Abortion by da-AL My question for you HBT outro Links used for the HBT blog post of this episode: Original blog post for this episode at Happiness Between Tails. About my own novels in progress. Wiki page on Roe v Wade Margaret Atwood, author and her iconic novel and TV series, “The Handmaid’s Tale.” Guest blogger Infidel753 Wiki page on feminist Gloria Steinem About the infamous 40-year Tuskegee Study Planned Parenthood site Wiki page on Planned Parenthood & Nixon Wiki page on abortion in Poland — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/depe9/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/depe9/support

Click H-E-R-E for my podcast page at AnchorFM. This week’s show is the audio version of the post below.

At the Happiness Between Tails podcast page, you’ll also find links to subscribe, hear, and share it via most any platform, from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. Check out the full list of 50+ places.

Roe v Wade is the 1973 landmark United States Supreme Court decision that ensures all women have the right to obtain legal and safe abortions. Tragically, it’s on the verge of becoming history.

When I first published “My Abortion Story,” Roe v Wade was already under siege. Mobilized right wing groups do whatever they can, sometimes violently, to make it hard for doctors to work and clinics to exist. They murder physicians, set up false clinics, heckle patients, and work to undo basic legal human rights.

Those same bible-thumpers protest governmental Covid-immunization efforts. If it were up to them, we’d be living Margaret Atwood’s iconic novel and TV series, “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

Start saving up your wire hangers?

Planned Parenthood outlines the current horror this way…

“… a leaked Supreme Court draft opinion confirms our worst fears: that the Supreme Court is prepared to end the constitutional right to abortion by overturning Roe v. Wade. But as of today, abortion remains your constitutional right.”

In an earlier Happiness Between Tails post, “My Jury Duty Pt 1 + Infidel753 Works for Justice and Freedom to Choose,” guest blogger Infidel753 recounted his stint volunteering at an abortion clinic as a patient escort. Your comments to his story lent me the courage to tell mine.

So did reading KE Garland’s thoughts and experience on getting an abortion at her blog, which she allowed me to re-publish here.

Pioneering militant feminist Gloria Steinem, at 22 years old had an abortion in 1957, when it was illegal. Years later, she openly discussed it. She said…

”It [abortion] is supposed to make us a bad person. But I must say, I never felt that. I used to sit and try and figure out how old the child would be, trying to make myself feel guilty. But I never could! I think the person who said: ‘Honey, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament’ was right. Speaking for myself, I knew it was the first time I had taken responsibility for my own life. I wasn’t going to let things happen to me. I was going to direct my life, and therefore it felt positive… In later years, if I’m remembered at all, it will be for inventing a phrase like ‘reproductive freedom’  … as a phrase it includes the freedom to have children or not to. So it makes it possible for us to make a coalition.”

By the way, when it comes to transgender rights, she and Mona Sinha co-wrote a letter to The New York Times in 2020. They decried then-President Trump’s elimination of civil rights protections for transgender healthcare and said…

“The health of any of us affects the health of all of us, and excluding trans people endangers us all.”

Abortion: My Story by da-AL

In my mid-20s, I terminated two pregnancies. That same year, I got pregnant twice, each time using different forms of birth control. At the time, I’d been living with a boyfriend since I was 18. He was a sweet, intelligent man who I loved dearly.

We were surviving on sporadic work, earning hardly above minimum wage. For that and many more reasons, I didn’t feel I could provide any child with a decent upbringing.

Abortions were expensive, and weren’t covered by my job’s health insurance. Each procedure was a physical ordeal of pain and then high fevers. I had to take days off from work, which I could ill afford.

Fortunately…

I had a kind lover to help me through. Never have I regretted my decisions.

Later, in my 30s, I was sexually assaulted. Good luck, if the term can apply to anything about rape, is the only reason I didn’t get pregnant.

Regarding Choice…

When people seek control, they say others “need to be held accountable.”

Seeing the world as “them” versus “us” makes it easy to objectify one another. Not so long ago, United States medical officials conducted the infamous 40-year Tuskegee Study. They pretended to treat black people for syphilis when really they were studying the full progression of the disease. To their reasoning, white lives mattered and black lives didn’t. Sound familiar?

What if you’re very young and your family is the opposite of a Hallmark card? What if you’re not employed? Or your job doesn’t provide insurance and sick days? What if the rape was more than you could bear? And you don’t want the added burdens of facing the police, defending your reputation as well as your case, can’t afford a good lawyer, and don’t want to confront whoever assaulted you in court?

Or say you simply got pregnant at any age, and for whatever reason, just don’t want to go through a full pregnancy?

What if, what if, what if?…

It’s no one’s business why or how many times any woman has an abortion.

When statisticians tally how many people consider abortion acceptable, they sidestep the real issue. What matters is no government ought to be entitled to have say over women’s bodies.

No one should have a say over who is sterilized or who must bear children. End of story.

Is it still legal to get an abortion?

The answer in the United States is yes, due in good measure for Planned Parenthood’s work.

The organization offers a range of affordable health care to all genders, all ages, all over the world. Interestingly, in 1970, President Richard Nixon signed into law funding for family planning services, which included Planned Parenthood.

According to Wikipedia, Nixon decreed…

“No American woman should be denied access to family planning assistance because of her economic condition.”

Remember, it’s not enough to win rights — we must continually work to keep them. We can’t rest on our laurels.

For example, according to Wikipedia

Poland is one of the few countries in the world to largely outlaw abortion after decades of permissive legislation during Polish People’s Republic. About 10-15% of Polish women seek abortion in neighboring countries due to the strict restraints in their own country. Poland’s abortion law is one of the most restrictive in Europe, along with a group of other traditionally Roman Catholic countries of the region.”

Daunting news, yes — which is why we absolutely mustn’t succumb to burnout. Now more than ever we must be active in whatever way we can, big or small. Please share this post and podcast to your social media, tell lawmakers and whoever you know where you stand. Contribute time and/or money to organizations such as Planned Parenthood. Contribute to justice winning.

Infidel753’s blog offers a growing wealth of information. A recent post included abortion resources, tips to avoid criminal charges for abortion pills, a link to Valerie Tarico’s post on fighting for abortion rights inspired by a discussion at Nan’s Notebook.

It’s your body — how much control do you want lawmakers to have over it?

Video: Taupo, New Zealand: From a Duckling to Rafting by da-AL

Taupo Public Library.

At the risk of sounding like I’m getting paid for this (all us bloggers are wealthy, no?) New Zealand truly has everything! We loved urban Auckland, relaxing Rotorua, the stunning Redwoods, amazing Huka Falls, and astounding Craters of the Moon and Pirongia, as well as Hamilton Gardens. (Later in Australia’s Gold Coast, we visited familyand birds of Australia Part 1 of 2 plus Part 2 of 2, then we marveled at the Spectacular Views in and Around Gold Coast, enjoyed a delicious meal on the beach, saw some wild things and cute things at Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, had fun with Rita Rigby, met the beasts of Brisbane and the beauty there, and enjoyed Sydney this much and that much, as well as the purring there!

In Taupo, we had great fun! We stayed at Sharon Drinnan’s small family farm cottage (you can reach her at DrinnanClan@Farmside.co.NZ). Sharon was so kind that she even made sure we saw this charmer who’d hatched only hours earlier!…

Can one ever get enough of looking wonderfulnesses that includes a dog as black and cute as mine? This dog belongs to our hostess, Sharon…

After breakfast, we drove into town. On the way — “Stop the car!” I yelled, intending to photograph a mamma pig with her small piggies. She, however, had other plans! Before I knew it, she’d corralled the babies into a far corner, then returned to confront me!…

Don’t mess with Mother Pig.

Anyone who visits Happiness Between Tails knows I adore libraries. Taupo has a great one! (More later about the Pūkana expression on the red Māori sculpture)…

The city of Taupo lies along the shore of Lake Taupo — where we enjoyed a river rafting adventure. We had too much fun to take photos. However, after our adventure, my husband took these photos of me with our river guide, Tau Thompson of Tongariro River Rafting when another river guide photo-bombed us. Those Pūkana expressions we’re making (same as on the library statue). Facial expressions are essential to Māori performance…

What’s your best facial expression?

Guest Blog Post: On Boy Books and Girl Books by Pernille Ripp

Books allow me to transcend my own experience of the world. In reading, I can assume the skin of people, places, times, and events that I’ll never otherwise inhabit. They make me feel more part of the world and more human.

How has reading shaped you? Blogger/teacher/parent Pernille Ripp why she believes children should be exposed to all kinds of books…

Blogger/teacher/parent Pernille Ripp.
Blogger/teacher/parent Pernille Ripp.

Pernille Ripp

White, Black, Yellow, Lime,  Free Image

I get asked for a lot of book recommendations, I think it comes with the territory when you share the love of books.  And while I love pairing books with potential readers, I have also noticed a pattern that causes me to pause, that should cause all of us to pause.

I get asked for a lot of books featuring male lead characters for male readers.

When I ask why the need for a male lead, I am often told that “they” just don’t think a boy will read a “girl book.”  That a boy will not like a book about feelings.  That a boy only wants books that have action.  That have other boys in it.  That feature characters that look just like them or at the very least think like them.

As if every single boy thinks alike.

When written like this it is easy to see the…

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Part 3: What Has Your Pet Taught You? by da-AL

Newborn Black Labrador Dog
Image courtesy of nixxphotography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Life with dogs…

The twin puppies we adopted ate and ate and ate. And pooed and pooed and pooed. Six months later, they’d grown to 50 and 50 pounds!

Plus, I’d learned nothing about training them.

One day…

As usual, for 10 deafening minutes, they barked at the mailman across the street. Later that day, they destroyed yet another throw rug.

“Bad dogs,” I snapped.

They were too busy chewing to hear me.

“Bad, bad, bad dogs!” I hollered, my voice shrill, my throat raw.

They sat. Four watery eyes gazed up at me.

Then…

Fear made them urinate on the carpet.

My thoughts reeled back. That was me! When I was only four years old!

Back then, I tried ever so hard to be good, yet I didn’t always succeed. My father would yell at me.

One time, he sounded as angry as I had when I’d hollered at my dogs. Same as with my two puppies, the big person’s anger blotted out my ability to think and hear. All I was able to do was to feel — that my father was furious at me — and that I was terrified.

All I knew was that he seemed angry enough to kill me. Out of terror, just like the dogs had, urine streamed down my legs.

Looking into my dogs’ upturned faces…

I saw how they trembled. The little dogs blinked their moist eyes hard.

Puppy Dog Eyes
Image courtesy of Tina Phillips at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tears…

Sobbing, I sank to my knees and hugged them. It had taken six long months for me to learn that, all along, they had been trying their best to please me. Despite my ineptitude as a trainer, they had refused to give up on me. They had given me the benefit of the doubt that like them, I was trying my best.

They never gave up hope on me…

They knew I would learn to love them. Through the example of my pets, I’ve learned that the more I gaze upon everyone in my life with the benefit of a doubt, the happier we all are. We’re all doing our best, even when we could do better.

Do dogs forgive?

Here’s part 1 of this and here’s part 2.

Do you have an interesting animal experience?…

Part 2: What Has Your Pet Taught You? by da-AL

Close Up Of Washing Five Puppy Dog
Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Deciding…

My husband and I agreed to adopt a dog. This was followed by months of discussion. What type of dog would harmonize best with our two cats?

We settled on these dog requirements:

  1. It should be a puppy, so that it would learn early on to respect cats.
  2. It shouldn’t mature to larger than thirty pounds, so as not to overwhelm the cats.
  3. For the sake of our newly planted organic veggie garden, a female, a dog who squats rather than lifts its leg to urinate, would be best.

Adopting…

The list at the forefront of our minds, we rushed to the nearest pound.

After an hour of walking up and down aisles and aisles of sad eyes, we selected a pair!

The two Labrador mix puppies, a sister and a brother, were too adorable to split up.

What were we thinking?! Labrador-mix-anything is bound to grow at least fifty pounds! And two of them?! Even the shelter employee said we were crazy…

Adapting…

Cute, cute, cute! What puppy isn’t cuteness incarnate?!

Within a week, their heart-melting charm, was frozen over by their unbounded annoying-ness.

They trampled the garden, gnawed carpets, ate towels, and slobbered over everything.

They pounced the cats and barked at the people.

They chased away domestic bliss.

Enraged, the kitties soiled our bed and sofa multiple times. Our home stank of impossible to wash out angry-cat pee.

Crafty Cat Lying On Floor black and white
Image courtesy of tiverylucky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Payoff…

They made my husband laugh.

Gentleman dog taught himself to pee while squatting.

*** Here’s part one and part three to this post. ***

Have you ever had a pet?…

Guest Blog Post: Six Warm Piglets by Cecilia Mary Gunther

photo of piglets feeding

Warning: reality check, then Cuteness Overload! It’s not for nothing that the human star of the glorious pig movie, “Babe,” went vegetarian…

thekitchensgarden

If you were hanging out in the Kitchen’s Garden Lounge of Comments yesterday you would have read that a piglet was lost in that first cold night.  I found him dead on Poppy’s side of their quarters.  Being the Lady Pig Farmer is not always easy. All our focus these first few days is keeping the babies safe and well fed. This task feels mutually exclusive at times.

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Guest Blog Post: The World of Mr. Wolf

What’s your favorite book from your childhood? I loved Winnie the Pooh.

The best children’s books are ones I appreciate all the more with the passage of time. Here Mr. Wolf, an author of the kinds of children’s books that adults can enjoy too, shares a few of his illustrations…

Here's Captain Bee Beard - a pirate who has a beard made out of bees! (From Mr. Wolf's children's book: Terry The Time Travelling Tortoise.)
Here’s Captain Bee Beard – a pirate who has a beard made out of bees! (From Mr. Wolf’s children’s book: Terry The Time Travelling Tortoise.)

 

Mr. Pong gets his comeuppance! (From Mr. Wolf's children's book: The Top Secret Cheese.)
Mr. Pong gets his comeuppance! (From Mr. Wolf’s children’s book: The Top Secret Cheese.)

 

Have you ever seen a Posh-Me-Posh-Ewe animal before? (From Mr. Wolf's forthcoming children's book: Mr. Zumpo's Amazing Zoo of Unusual Animals.)
Have you ever seen a Posh-Me-Posh-Ewe animal before? (From Mr. Wolf’s forthcoming children’s book: Mr. Zumpo’s Amazing Zoo of Unusual Animals.)

 

About the illustrator of these wonderful pictures: Mr. Wolf is an English freelance cartoon illustrator and an author of funny children’s books which adults seem to love too. I met him at Goodreads (a sort of Facebook for book lovers).

Guest Blog Post: “Dogs and Babies,” in imhavingadadday’s exact words

Unexpected life turns can be wonderful:

“… here I am…almost 30, married nearly 4 years with a baby and another on the way, living in my hometown and yep…BACK in school for engineering.  And I couldn’t be happier … “

They can bring out the best in us:

“In a sea of mom blogs, I am hoping that this blog can shed some light on many of the same topics but from a dad’s perspective.  It can be stressful when everything is happening at once, but I always try to remember that I’m just having a dad day.”

Enjoy …

I'm Having A Dad Day

I’m a dog person.  Hands down.  Growing up we had a couple of cats (RIP Molly and CoCo), but we always had dogs.  In fact, I don’t think that there was ever a day that went by throughout my life that we were dog-less.  There was Chelsea, Belle, Jessie, and Bella (as you can see, my two brothers and I were very creative dog naming children).  So when I moved away for college, I did what any responsible 19 year old does…get a puppy!  This puppy, Tank (in the photo), now nearly 10 years old, is the greatest dog known to mankind and currently lives with my parents and good old sweet Bella; his best dog friend and window watching, old lady in the street barking, life companion.

My wife grew up like me, with dogs.  So like any responsible 20 year old, what did she do when she was…

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Guest + Video: Postpartum Education and Support by David Hunt

Another informative guest post our good friend, David Hunt, who has also contributed here

About 30 percent of new mothers experience postpartum mood disorders, including anxiety and depression. Because women experiencing these symptoms often feel stigmatized or ashamed, and because health providers often fail to screen for maternal mental health issues, many women suffer in silence. For my final project for a master of arts in liberal studies at North Carolina State, I partnered with a nonprofit community organization, Postpartum Education and Support of North Carolina, to raise awareness of this issue and to promote the organization’s free peer support groups. I produced a short documentary-style video featuring the personal stories of four survivors of postpartum mood disorders. This video provides the organization with a new outreach tool that can be posted online and shared via social media and other electronic communication channels. This project was influenced by my coursework in multiple disciplines, including communication, political science, history, and gender studies.

Postpartum Education and Support of North Carolina offers a range of peer support services for women and families confronting postpartum mood disorders.

Call the Moms Supporting Moms Warmline at (919) 454-6946 or email support@pesnc.org.

David Hunt has produced documentaries and educational media for over 30 years. Clients have included the Leukemia Society of America, Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, and Body Glove International.

David’s blog

David’s Linkedin