#MeToo Relief + Norway Fjords + American Satire: Milena D. Lazić

How were your holidays? I hope they were restful. I was surprised to find that I genuinely loved mine.

American culture places a heavy emphasis on family during the holidays, often demanding that we tolerate toxic relatives simply for the sake of “blood.” While there is a common narrative about holiday gloom, the reality is often different; statistically, it is the late spring and summer when people are most likely to succumb to hopelessness.

For me, stepping away from tradition was liberating. Gone were the gatherings where I had to pretend my kin were any different than they are (here’s #MeToo Post 1 and #MeToo Post 2 and #MeToo Post 3). Instead, I set low expectations and spent the season relaxing with my husband, sweet doggie, and dear friends.

P.S. Click here to read about the soon-to-be-published novels I’m writing.

All this is to say: Self-care is non-negotiable.

Real self-care means resisting the pull to conform when culture tries to talk you out of your boundaries. Even if doing so feels overwhelmingly unfamiliar, you are gathering the data and strength you need to steer yourself toward a life that actually serves you.

More on Norway: A Final Hike in Balestrand

Our last day in Balestrand (along Norway’s longest and deepest fjord, Sognefjord) was nonstop gorgeous. After a simple breakfast in the lobby, we spent several extra minutes chatting with the international staff and visitors at our hotel. Not simply because they were interesting and fun, but because as we ate, the blue sky turned gray and started to hail!

(Note: all posts about our visit to Norway are here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here.)

By that point in our vacation, we’d learned to trust that each day in Norway is an experience of many seasons. As we packed clothing layers, snacks, water, and an umbrella, the blue sky returned.

The four-mile Raudmelen route round-trip hike up to Buråsi viewpoint (1,886 feet above sea level) took us five hours. It was long enough to be pelted by rain so hard and mud so slippery that we could only stand under an umbrella and wait it out. After which, we were treated to more sunshine and spectacular views.

Here’s when we reached the top. The snow-capped mountains in the distance are part of the Esefjella range…

Today’s Guest Blog Post…

A  Social–Industrial and Organizational Psychologist who is pursuing a PhD, Milena D. Lazić hales from Serbia and lives in Chicago.

Her blog features her fictional stories that she says are, “from the bewildered and often amused perspective of an immigrant navigating the strange rituals of American life (in business, education, daily life, and more).” Check out her writing and connect with her at Medium.

The Great American Lie (From an immigrant who has seen too much) by Milena D. Lazić

It was Thanksgiving, and I had just arrived in America — 

The Land of the Free!

As a new immigrant, cheerfully lost and confused, I wanted to study Americanism in its natural habitat, so I freely showed up at a nearby holiday family dinner.

Welcome-ish

The host of the oversized, aggressively decorated American house was confused by my unsolicited visit. Still – likely prompted by my thick foreign accent  – she exercised her freedom by escorting me inside and introducing me to the rest of their “floor staff,” who all appeared to be Hispanic.

I decided to go with it because nothing says freedom like a society that offers infinite choices, once it’s done choosing for you first.

Freedom  – The Basics

The hostess, who finally introduced herself as Delania, freely yelled at me for putting the biodegradable straw on the wrong side of the table. I then felt free to request an explanation for why the seating arrangement for this holiday was so oddly specific.

You see… in America, I was starting to notice, everything (including the dinner table) is divided into two colors: 

Blue and Red

On the blue side, people:

• Wore fair-trade, natural fiber jumpsuits
• Ate plant-based turkey while explaining how real turkey was murdered
• Carried laminated gender identity cards

However, on the red side, guests:

• Wore turkey-print polos and American flag cargo pants
• Devoured a deep-fried turkey, shot and blessed by Uncle Bob himself
• Carried (hopefully symbolic) firearms

Even more confusing, at some point, the guests began throwing insults across the table. Then someone named Taylor He/They casually kissed his boyfriend, which made Aunt Lida scream hysterically, pull her own hair, and sprint to find her emergency Bible.

Delania explained that part of the thrill of living in the land of the free is that everyone can freely choose their side, which totally made sense.

ME: In that case, I choose red! Red is sexy. Red feels like love. Red runs through my veins.

I announced, ready to take my rightful place among the reds, when Delania’s husband, Moland (an orange man, wearing a crown and holding a MAGA chalice), blocked my path. He then freely requested that I bring him more ICE from the kitchen  – something he repeated hourly, for reasons I still don’t understand.

American Holiday Climax

Then something very strange happened: A loud patriotic fart, rich with pumpkin spice freedom, echoed through the house. Everyone fell silent.

Delania solemnly announced that, for safety reasons, they wouldn’t go around sharing gratitude this year. Instead, at her signal, the floor staff glided in and placed a gift in front of each guest (sponsored by the hosts) to promote “family unity.”

Suddenly united, guests tore open their packages, revealing:

Brand new iPhone 17 Pro Max?!

And just like that…everyone freely and happily orgasmed in their pants.

Exit Stage Left… or Right?

Towards the end of my first American holiday, I was still bewildered  –  but at least I’d learned the essentials: national traditions, freedom, and, above all, politics.

I checked my notes (yes, I took notes), but they somehow left me more confused. I was left wondering how someone could be against abortion, in favor of the death penalty, and pro-life at the same time?

I asked Delania what would happen if someone was moderate, but then… the whole room stopped and looked at me. They even dropped their iPhones!

Moland whispered, “Americans don’t do ‘moderate.’ You must pick a side…and do it quickly!”

As I hurriedly tossed a coin into the air and watched it spin, I realized: I may not understand American politics, but I understand performance.

The left needs the right to feel enlightened.
 The right needs the left to feel persecuted.

Together, in the land of the free, they perform the great capitalist consumer duet.

And somewhere in the chaos, and to the confusion of the whole game, a turkey dies.

Have you ever broken a major holiday tradition to protect your own peace? How did it feel? As a writer (or reader), do you find it easier to digest difficult cultural topics when they are wrapped in satire?”