Videos: Party Kolkata Style + Valeska’s New Book + Podcast

Titling over Rocky dancing and Valeska's new book cover.
Rocky’s dancing greatness and Valeska’s new book!

Party Kolkata Style + Valeska's New Book Happiness Between Tails

#India #Writing #Authors #Dance #Travel How do you celebrate awesome news? Share your thoughts, experiences, and questions by recording them on Spotify for Podcasters page — or comment at HappinessBetweenTails.com — or email me. Like what you hear? Buy me a coffee. http://buymeacoffee.com/SupportHBT See Kolkata dance videos at HappinessBetweenTaiils.com — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/depe9/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/depe9/support

Listen to posts at the Happiness Between Tails Podcast’s homepage at Spotify for Podcasters! Find links to subscribe, listen, and share episodes via most platforms; from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. The full list of 50+ places is at LinkTree.

I had a whole other idea for this week’s blog post — but surely there’s no better way to celebrate a day than to shake, rattle, and roll Kolkata style?!

More posts and podcasts about my visit to Kolkata here and here and here and here

Work paused on my novel, Khashayar grabbed by the hand, he and I danced with glee to the music of the following short videos. They’re from cousin Giulia and Deep’s India-style wedding. Well-wishers from near and far kicked off days of parties and ceremonies. (Longer videos to come in future posts.)

I don’t think I ever laughed so much in one night in my life! Giulia and Deep hoofed it to the right of Khashayar…

Despite abundant food and drink, I doubt anyone left the dance floor for more than a minute at a time. Not with Paresh (in black t-shirt and jacket) livening the stage!…

For anyone who hadn’t polished their Kolkata-wood moves — hang on, turns out the proper term is Tollywood — Rocky was there to lead the way…

Guests also gave encouraging speeches, sang songs, and we did an impromptu Argentine tango…

Hey — let’s dance to Valeska Réon’s happy new too! She’s guested at Happiness Between Tails here and I first expressed my admiration of her here. An author since 1997, she’s published fifteen books, from crime and thriller novels to health guides. With her dogs Maya and Indie, she lives in Dortmund, Germany and plans to relocate to Berlin.

Her first historical novel, which she plans to publish in the United States, is already doing well…

Writer Valeska Réon with Maya and Indie in front of Mont Saint Michel, where they did on-site research for her history novel about Anne de Bretagne.
Writer Valeska Réon with Maya and Indie in front of Mont Saint Michel, where they did on-site research for her history novel about Anne de Bretagne.

Forbidden Promises: the first German book about Queen Anne of Brittany” by Valeska Réon

I got the idea for this novel from my Maastricht thriller ‘Der Bibelkiller’ (about a serial killer who terrifies the citizens of Maastricht with his bizarre murders), where it is mentioned in a subplot. Here’s a post about that here.

This then inspired me to dedicate a novel of its own to Anne of Brittany (1477 – 1514).

It is the first German book about her; for the publication in Germany this was an all-important feature.

It seemed rather strange that such an interesting historical figure living in a time of world transforming change, bringing with it the values of the early modern period (Renaissance), had gone ignored by German authors. Until her death, Anne was the Duchess of Brittany and through her three marriages also Queen of France not one, but two times, holding the titles of Archduchess of Austria, Queen of Sicily and Jerusalem and Duchess of Milan at the same time. She was a devoted patron of the arts and initiated for the first illustrated children’s book to be written. 

While history books tend to portray a favourable image of Anne’s second husband, King Charles VIII, another viewpoint can also be explored; King Charles VIII was a foolish ruler who was more interested in pursuing women’s skirts than paying attention to his own wife, or the country he should rule. From a venture in Italy, he and his men spread syphilis throughout Europe, and by the time of his death his court had not contributed in any form to the spiritual or artistic wave sweeping Europe. For a well-educated and enlightened woman like Anne this must have been nothing short of torture. The point of the death of King Charles VIII is the perfect moment to include a twist into the story. 

I make use of my imagination and introduce a knight of the Order of Michael, Jean de Thyberon, into Anne’s life. Historical realism and fiction are walking hand in hand. Jean accompanies Anne over several years. Respect grows into careful affection, and with time more begins to bloom between the two.

As King Charles’s deadly accident in castle Amboise includes several historically incongruent accounts, the authors use the quirks of history to create some rumours and suspense between the lines. Charles was a man of small stature and died of an aneurism which resulted from him hitting his head against a door frame. How likely does it feel that something like this was just a coincidence? The Order of Michael was under his command, and so the Knight of the Order Jean de Thyberon is called to investigate the cause of death. With time he becomes Anne’s consultant, then a good friend and finally the man whom she adores with all her heart. The problem is: a knight openly wooing the Queen is completely unthinkable.

There are still other strange events in the life of Anne of Brittany. From her eleven children only her daughters Claude and Renée survived. A tragic truth which made the authors question, what if those two had a father far removed from the fragile royal bloodlines? Could Jean de Thyberon have been the father?

And what if Jean advised her in the field of politics and helped to shape history as we know it without ever having been mentioned in any history book? 

In front of this background, the picture of the impeccable Queen is broken apart and a new light is cast on Anne the person, the woman, and the lover. 

For a gripping flow of the story, the viewpoints of Anne and Jean are mixed and told in first person. Through their unique feelings and experiences, the reader is close to the protagonists and all the events of the story. 

The perfect harmony of true history and exciting fiction create the pull of this novel. The reader is left to wonder, and maybe even hope, could it have really been like this?

Here you can see the long version of the book trailer:

The song you hear in the background, Violet et Noir, was written especially for this historical novel.

The book presentation started in January 2023 Berlin, and will continue at the Leipzig Book Fair in April; in May I will travel to Vienna and Salzburg to meet my Austrian readers in person. It is quite interesting that I am also invited to colloquia at universities with this book, because the plot is very interesting for students.

Currently we are looking for a publisher in the USA because we think that this bittersweet love story could appeal to American readers very much.

I’m already writing a new historical novel, this time about an English Queen about whom there is no book anywhere in the world. For this project I interweave the life story of the sovereign with a thriller plot.

The Blurb

France 1498: Anne of Brittany, Duchess of Brittany and Queen of France, has already gone through two marriages. She never met her first husband, King Maximilian I, as the marriage was arranged in her name. Her second husband, King Charles VIII, died under mysterious circumstances. All her six children have passed away. 

Having given up the hope and search for true love she meets Jean de Thyberon – knight of the Order of St Michael, and suddenly finds herself united with her soulmate. After only a few short months, Anne has to part ways with the educated and humorous man forever as protocol dictates that Anne has to marry King Louis XII.

‘I may not love you…’

… so the command hanging over their love like a sword of Damocles.

Photo of da-AL and Khashayar in front of their Norooz spread.
Happy Persian New Year to you from the two of us!

Don’t let not being Persian stop you from enjoying Norooz! More about how we celebrate Persian New Year here

How do you celebrate a great day?

Kolkata: Shop + Puchka Vid + Translate by J. Prieto + Podcast

Street vendors near Axis Mall in New Town, Kolkata, India.
Street vendors near Axis Mall in New Town, Kolkata, India.

Kolkata: Shop + Puchka Vid + Translate by J. Prieto Happiness Between Tails

#India #Travel #Shopping #Language #Writing What languages do you know? Share your thoughts, experiences, and questions by recording them on Spotify for Podcasters page — or comment at HappinessBetweenTails.com — or email me. Like what you hear? Buy me a coffee. http://buymeacoffee.com/SupportHBT Time Stamps (where segments begin): HBT introduction Intro to today’s topic and guest 1:05 Title of today’s show and name of author My question for you HBT outro — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/depe9/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/depe9/support

Check out the Happiness Between Tails Podcast at Spotify for Podcasters! There you’ll find links to subscribe, hear, and share episodes of Happiness Between Tails by da-AL via most any platform, from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. The full list of 50+ places is at LinkTree.

Kolkata shopping is a world apart from anything I’ve experienced elsewhere. (By the way, learning at least a few words of the language for where I visit makes things loads more fun — more on that below, as well as how it can figure into novel-writing like for my upcoming “Flamenco & the Sitting Cat.”)

Apologies that photography can’t convey bicycle ring-a-lings and car honk-honks. Images can’t waft sidewalk vendor aromas. Nor can they resonate cow clop-clops as they overtake traffic.

More on my trip to India: here and here and here and here and here.

Once we felt human after the sleep-defying endless airplane journey, it was time to check out clothes. Back home in Los Angeles, we’d browsed Little India in Cerritos, but left empty-handed. What do I know about Kolkata standards for a pretty wedding sari? The very thought of trying to origami one onto myself was beyond me. At the store, an attendant helped, yet I looked as if I’d rolled out of bed, rumpled sheets and all.

Folks assured us we’d find high quality and reasonable prices in India, so we decided to hold off for there.

Axis Mall, our first shopping center, lay in Kolkata’s perimeter called New Town.

Photo of front of Axis Shopping Mall, in New Town, Kolkata, India.

The food vendors in the opening photo to this post lined the route there. Note the co-op buildings in the distance, equivalents to our condos, but financed and inhabited by family, friends, and co-workers. Throughout our stay, skies were blue, the temps balmy — perfect for Kolkata’s wedding, hence anniversary, season…

Several floors featured of anything you could ever need, from clothes and luggage, to groceries and massages…

Photo of Axis Shopping Mall interior, in New Town, Kolkata, India.

A couple of blocks away, Central Mall, was similar but included a multi-story department store…

Photo of Central Mall interior, in New Town, Kolkata, India.

At another mall…

Photo of another mall entrance, in New Town, Kolkata, India.

…we checked out men’s clothing — don’t we look cute? From left to right: bridegroom Deep, who grew up in Kolkata and now lives in London, my cousin Giulia who grew up in Italy and resides in Spain was the bride, and Deep’s mom, Bipasha, was in the middle. You already know moi and my honey …

Photo of Deep, Giulia, Bipasha, da-AL, and Khashayar at another mall in New Town, Kolkata, India.

Outside, we encountered these lovelies. The overhead railway in progress should be fully constructed within a year or two…

Photo of cows walking along road in front of shopping mall in New Town, Kolkata, India.

Heeding our doctor’s instructions, we didn’t sample street food on actual streets — but we enjoyed plenty of street-type munchies at the wedding and at the hotel’s extensive dinner buffets. Thank goodness, because temptation was everywhere. The Puchkalicious stall in front of the cows sold the most utterly ingenious tastiness — sweet, tart, juice plus stew amazingness — spooned into potato chip-crunchy hollow little orbs and served in eco-loving leaf dishes.

 Puchkas, I’m waiting for you to please please come to Los Angeles. This video begins with the sound-orgy of wonderfulness, segues into how-to, and ends with a hilarious depiction of what an all-out party in and of themselves these goodies are.No Bengali needed to understand the fun here, ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response), heaped on…

Travel reminds us how interconnected and interdependent the world is. When I travel, studying about my destination beforehand adds to the fun. All the better if I learn a few words of the language with a free app from my local library. Today’s guest, Javier Prieto, an expert at Chinese and Spanish, explains how everyone, writers and other business people included, can benefit from reaching beyond English…

Photo of Javier Prieto, translator.
Javier Prieto, translator.

“Expand your Readership, Boost your Sales, Get More Readers and Build your Brand: Translating your Work,” by Javier Prieto

In today’s globalized world, the reach of books and written material has expanded beyond borders. As a writer or content creator, you may have a great story to tell, but what if your readers can’t understand it due to language barriers? That’s where translation comes in, specifically English to Spanish and English to Chinese.

Why Spanish and Chinese?

Spanish is one of the most widely spoken languages in the world, with over 540 million potential readers across more than 20 countries. In the United States alone, over 20% of the population speaks Spanish at home, making it a valuable market for any writer, content creator or editor looking to expand their reach.

Similarly, Chinese is another language with a vast potential readership. With over 1.4 billion people, China is the world’s most populous country, and Mandarin Chinese is the most widely spoken language globally. Getting your books and written material translated into Chinese opens up an enormous market for your work.

By translating your work into Spanish or Chinese, you can expand your readership and reach a broader audience. This will not only help you gain more exposure but also increase your revenue potential. As more readers become aware of your ideas, you can sell more copies of your book, and your brand can become more recognized.

How to choose a translator?

However, it is important to understand that translating your work is not an easy task. It requires a significant amount of skill and knowledge to ensure that the translated work accurately conveys the original content’s intended meaning. Therefore, it is crucial to work with a professional translation service provider who has experience in the field and can deliver high-quality translations.

Working with a professional translation service can also help you save time and avoid costly mistakes. Professional translators have the skills, experience, tools, and resources to ensure that your work is translated accurately, efficiently, and effectively. They can also provide valuable insights and advice on how to tailor your work to different audiences and cultures.

When it comes to choosing a translation service, there are many factors to consider. Look for a provider who has experience in translating the type of content you produce, such as books or articles. Also, check their portfolio and references to ensure they have a track record of delivering high-quality translations. Finally, consider their pricing and turnaround times to ensure they can meet your needs and budget.

Benefits of translating your work.

Translating your books into Spanish or Chinese can do much more than just expanding your readership. It can also help improve your personal brand and increase your exposure in the media and press.

As a self-published author or a writer for an editorial, getting your work translated into another language can help you establish yourself as a global brand. By reaching out to readers in different parts of the world, you can expand your reach and increase your credibility. This can be especially important for coaches, course creators, and other professionals who rely on their personal brand to attract customers.

With the help of a professional translation service, you can ensure that your message is communicated effectively and accurately to your target audience. By crafting your message in a way that resonates with your readers in their language, you can establish a deeper connection with them and build trust in your brand.

Additionally, having your work translated can help you get more media and press coverage. Translating your book or written material into another language can help you gain more exposure in international markets, which can lead to more opportunities for media and press coverage. By showcasing your work to a global audience, you can attract the attention of publishers, journalists, and other industry professionals, helping you to gain more visibility and credibility in your field.

Can I translate all kinds of texts? What about poetry?

Translating poetry is a complex and challenging task that requires a high level of skill and creativity from the translator.

Unlike prose, poetry often relies on the nuances of language and the interplay of sound and rhythm to convey its meaning. The choice of words, the use of metaphor, and the structure of the poem are all crucial elements that contribute to its overall impact.

Translating poetry into another language involves not only finding the right words but also capturing the essence of the original work. The translator must consider the cultural context, the historical background, and the poetic traditions of the target language to create a translation that is both faithful to the original and resonates with the target audience.

One of the main difficulties of translating poetry is finding the right balance between fidelity to the original and creative adaptation. While a literal translation may capture the meaning of the words, it may not convey the poetic effect of the original. On the other hand, a too-free adaptation may lose the essence of the original work and fail to capture its poetic qualities.

Another challenge in translating poetry is the preservation of the poem’s structure and form. Poetic forms such as rhyme, meter, and verse are integral to the meaning and impact of a poem. Translating these forms into another language requires a deep understanding of the target language’s poetic traditions and its sound and rhythm patterns.

What about AI translations?

While AI translations and machine translations such as Google Translator have improved in recent years, there are still significant benefits to using human translation services for translating books and other written material.

One of the main advantages of using human translation services is the ability to capture the nuances of language and cultural context. Language is a complex and dynamic system that involves more than just the literal meaning of words. It also includes idioms, expressions, and cultural references that are difficult for machine translation to capture. Human translators are able to understand the context of the text and convey its meaning in a way that is culturally appropriate and sensitive.

Another advantage of human translation services is the ability to ensure accuracy and consistency. While machine translations may be fast and convenient, they can also be prone to errors and inconsistencies. Human translators are able to ensure that the translation is accurate, free from errors, and consistent throughout the entire text.

Human translation services also offer a level of quality assurance that is not available with machine translations. Professional translation services have a rigorous quality control process that involves proofreading and editing by a second translator to ensure accuracy and consistency. This level of quality control is essential for ensuring that the final product meets the highest standards of excellence.

Do you work with/for writers?

Are you an agent, editor, book designer or book coach? Adding translation to your own services can provide several benefits, such as increasing sales and adding value to your services.

Offering translation services can help to expand your reach and tap into new markets. By offering translations into languages such as Spanish and Chinese, you can help your clients to reach new audiences and potentially increase their sales and revenue.

Additionally, offering translation services can help to differentiate themselves from their competitors and add value to their services. By providing a one-stop-shop for their clients that includes translation services, they can offer a more comprehensive and valuable package of services. This can help to attract new clients and retain existing ones.

Another advantage of offering translation services is that it can help to build stronger relationships with clients. By offering a wider range of services, professionals can become more integrated into their clients’ projects and build deeper, long-lasting relationships. This can lead to more repeat business and referrals, which can be a significant source of revenue.

In conclusion, translating your work into Spanish or Chinese can open up vast new markets and readership potential. However, it is important to work with a professional translation service provider who can deliver accurate and high-quality translations. By doing so, you can expand your reach, gain more exposure, and increase your revenue potential.

What languages do you know?

Kolkata: Eco Park + Red State Birth Control by V. Tarico + Podcast

Cutout photo of da-AL next to golden statues of a woman walking a small dog at Kolkata's Eco Park.
You too can strike gold at Kolkata’s Eco Park!
Listen to today’s post out Happiness Between Tails Podcast’s homepage at Spotify for Podcasters! Find links to subscribe, listen, and share episodes via most platforms; from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. The full list of 50+ places is at LinkTree.

Not counting getting to Los Angeles International Airport, then futzing around there, the journey to Kolkata took 23 hours. Ignorant that a young boy with lungs strong enough to keep us awake the first 16-hour leg of the flight, we were fresh-faced when we checked in at the ticket counter. The second leg was a restless blur, as were the first couple of days of settling in.

Photo of da-AL and Khashayar at Los Angeles International Airport airline counter.
We’re ready and set to go from LAX!

Was it one — or two days? — after we landed that we visited New Town’s Eco Park? New Town is the suburb of Kolkata where we stayed at (more blog posts about that here and here and here and here), a whirlwind of pardon-our-dust burgeoning growth that includes new indoor malls, hotels, condos, and more.

My fave vacations involve lots of walking to look at amazing things between tasty meals. India is a heaven for vegetarians, which I am (more about the food here). We decided to walk the mile or so to Eco Park.

Photo of cows on sidewalk of New Town, Kolkata.
Pedestrians sometimes share the walkway with cows in New Town, Kolkata.

Strolling the highway there, we shared the sidewalk with a couple of cows. Someone explained they probably belonged to a nearby farmer. Later, another local discussed how difficult it is to relocate economically challenged people into subsidized apartment buildings when they and their livestock live off the land.

On the subject of where people live, New Town owes much of its current rebirth to co-ops. Families, friends, and co-workers pool monies to build condos. Construction crews live on-site. We passed one building that housed former airport co-workers, which they proudly announced on their signage.

Photo of a condo building in New Town, Kolkata. Placard notes it's owned and built by airport co-workers.
Family, friends, and co-workers invest together in condos.

Good thing most apartments and condos feature balconies. The impressive saris that all types of women wear run anywhere from four to six yards long. I don’t know how anyone washes that much fabric, but I do know that many people dry them by hanging them over their balconies, the cloth draping clear past the balcony below them.

Look closely at :52 and 1:11 to see what I mean…

Once we got to Eco Park, we were in for one surprise after another. With a name like that, I’m not sure what I expected. All I know is that it wasn’t a sculpture of a golden woman walking her golden dog, a historical recreation of a Bengali village…

Photo of statues at historical village representation, Eco Park, Kolkata.

Hergé’s Tin-Tin and his dog, Snowy… 

Photo of Khashayar at Eco Park, Kolkata, with statues of Tintin and his dog Snowy, by Hergé.

A mock Japanese forest guarded by mythical lions…Photo of fronts of lion statues at Japanese forest representation in Eco Park, Kolkata.

Photo of anatomically correct rears of lion statues at Japanese forest representation in Eco Park, Kolkata.

And a mini Eiffel Tower…

Photo of da-AL and Khashayar at Eiffel Tower representation in Eco Park, Kolkata.

Next week, we’ll go shopping for Indian wedding clothes!

Photo of psychologist/author/blogger/activist Valerie Tarico.
Psychologist/author/blogger/activist Valerie Tarico.

Closer to where I live, today’s guest is psychologist and writer Valerie Tarico of Seattle, Washington. In addition to her blog and her books, Trusting Doubt: A Former Evangelical Looks at Old Beliefs in a New Light, and Deas and Other Imaginings, she writes about religion, reproductive health, and the role of women in society for The Huffington Post, Salon, and a slew of other impressive publications.

Here’s her valuable encouragement and information for those who live in Red States (overwhelmingly Republican states that are inhospitable to women’s reproductive rights). Please share it with anyone and everyone…

What Every Red State Resident Should Know about Birth Control Options by Valerie Tarico

Some birth control options are 100 times more reliable than others. 

Unexpected pregnancy? Wrong time? Wrong partner? Wrong circumstances? Too bad. That’s the attitude of Christian Right fundamentalists, and conservative politicians who think that sucking up to fundamentalists will get them reelected. 

Most people—including religious people—including Christians—don’t think this way. But fundamentalists and their lackeys are doing their damnedest to make pregnancy the price of sex by outlawing abortion while also driving down birth control knowledge and access. If they wanted to, they could make abortion almost obsolete by broadcasting information about the most reliable birth control methods and making them cheap and easy to get. They could also fund research on even better methods, including options for men. Instead, they spread misinformation about modern birth control options, shout about risks while being zipper-lips about bonus health benefits, and falsely claim that the most reliable methods work by turning your body into an abortion factory. What does that tell you?

One thing it tells me is that this isn’t just about abortion. (See: Children as Chattel–The Common Root of Religious Child Abuse and the Pro-Life Movement.) Another is this: Spreading accurate information about birth control options is an act of defiance.

So here goes the list. It’s organized from most trustworthy to least, because some methods are literally 100 times more reliable than others. But first, some quick comments:  

  • With regular unprotected sex, 85 out of 100 couples will get pregnant within a year. Unless you are trying to make a baby, unprotected sex is pregnancy roulette. 
  • Bedsider.org has the most accurate, up-to-date birth control chooser on the web.   
  • No one method fits (or works) for all of us, and none is perfect. 
  • How often contraception fails depends a lot on how much effort it takes, how often. 
  • Lastly, apologies in advance, guys: Your non-permanent options stink; you deserve better. In the meantime, if you have sex with females you should know what they are using and what options they have. 

Implant (3-5 years) —The implant is a flexible rod the size of a matchstick that goes in the underside of a female arm. From there, it slow-releases hormones that prevent eggs from developing. It is the most reliable method currently available, with a 1 in 1000 annual failure rate. Another way to say this: If you used an implant for 1000 years, you could expect one pregnancy. That is because long-acting contraceptive devices like the implant or IUD flip the default setting on fertility to off making pregnancy “opt-in” instead of “opt-out.” Downsides: Costly up front if not covered by insurance. May cause irregular periods or hormonal side effects like headaches or sore breasts, especially at first. Upsides: Quick outpatient insertion. Get it and forget it for up to five years; quick return to normal fertility whenever removed. Safe for smokers, people with hypertension, and diabetics. Ok while breastfeeding. Bonus health benefits: May reduce PMS, depression, or endometriosis symptoms. 

Hormonal IUD (3-8 years) —An IUD is a T-shaped bit of plastic that fits into the uterus; it is the birth control method most preferred by gynecologists for themselves and their partners. (Some people even turn samples into earrings.) This IUD releases a local micro-dose of progestin; and the female body responds by sealing off the cervix like it would during pregnancy, an internal barrier. Like the implant, it has a 1-in-1000 yearly failure rate. Downsides: Insertion, though brief, can be painful. May cause cramps at first. Some bodies spit that puppy right back out. Upsides: Get it and forget it. Lighter periods or none at all, so good for athletes or people who suffer from anemia or strong menstrual cramps and bleeding. Can reduce endometriosis. Quick return to normal fertility. Good while breastfeeding. 

Vasectomy or Tubal Ligation (permanent) —A vasectomy is the only truly dependable method that lets a man control his own fertility. As in a tubal ligation for women, a tiny tube in the body is snipped so that gametes (sperm for males, eggs for females) can’t travel to the place they would meet. Both methods are almost as reliable as the implant or hormonal IUD. Downsides: Requires a medical procedure, and you can’t count on reversing it if you later change your mind. Upsides: One and done. No medications, no potential side effects, no repeat medical visits. 

Copper IUD (10+ years) —Thin wires wrapped around the arms of this IUD release copper ions that make it so sperm can’t swim. The amount needed is so small that a copper IUD can work for a decade or more as an internal, hormone-free spermicide. (I had mine for 23 years.) Once settled into place, it has a 1-in-100 annual failure rate. Downsides: Insertion, though brief, can be painful. May cause cramps or backaches. Usually causes heavier periods during the first few months, so not good for women with anemia. Upsides: Get it and forget it till you want to get pregnant or menopause kicks in. Hormone-free for those who don’t do well on estrogen or progestin. Immediate return to normal fertility upon removal. Normal periods for those who want them. Good while breastfeeding. 

The Shot (3 months) —The Depo-Provera shot suppresses ovulation–no eggs released to meet up with sperm. The annual pregnancy rate is 4 in 100—almost twice as good as the pill but a lot worse than IUDs and implants. Downsides: This is the only method with documented weight gain for some users. May cause irregular spotting. Can cause hormonal side effects like headaches or depression. Requires quarterly medical appointments. Upsides: Effort free for 3 months. Shorter, lighter periods. Works for people who don’t tolerate estrogen in birth control pills. (Note: Self-administered and six-month versions of the Depo shot are in the works.) 

The Ring (1 month) —A soft, flexible ring around the cervix delivers the same estrogen-progestin combination as some birth control pills. Out of 100 users, 7 will get pregnant in any given year. Downsides: Must be changed out every 3 or 4 weeks. Same side effects as similar pills. User needs to be comfortable inserting and removing the ring with their fingers. Upsides: Benefits of pills without having to remember every day. Lighter, less crampy periods, less acne. Monthly periods can be skipped if desired. Some protection against bone thinning, ovarian and endometrial cancers, anemia, and some infections.   

The Patch (1 week) —Similar in look to a nicotine patch, an estrogen-progestin patch works pretty much like birth control pills except you only have to remember once a week rather than every day. Like the shot, ring and pill, it keeps eggs from being released. Out of 100 users, 7 will get pregnant in a year. Downsides: Need to swap out weekly. Potential hormonal side effects. Upsides: Lighter, less crampy periods, less acne. Monthly periods optional. Some protection against bone thinning, ovarian and endometrial cancers, anemia, and some infections.   

The Pill (every day) —A variety of birth control pills offer different combinations of estrogen and progestin, or just progestin (called the mini-pill), which let people try out which formulas work best for them. Out of 100 users, 7 will get pregnant in a year. Downsides: Hard to remember—85 percent of women miss three or more doses each month. Potential hormonal side effects. Upsides: Lighter, less crampy periods. Monthly periods can be skipped if desired. Estrogen-containing pills reduce acne and protect slightly against bone thinning, ovarian or endometrial cancers, anemia, and some infections.   

Condoms (every time) —The condom is the only nonpermanent option for men who want to manage their own fertility, and it is the only method that protects against sexually transmitted infections. But as birth control goes, condoms aren’t very reliable: Thirteen out of 100 couples relying on condoms will face a pregnancy within a year. Downsides: Can reduce sexual pleasure, high effort, easy to get it wrong. Upsides: inexpensive, no prescription required, no side effects, protection against STIs. 

Periodic abstinence (one week every month) — Some couples, for religious or other reasons, prefer simply to avoid sex during the female partner’s fertile days. Periodic abstinence has been used to avoid pregnancy for generations; now a variety of tools can help to track monthly cycles or even detect signs of ovulation. On average, these methods result in pregnancy each year for about 15 in 100 couples, but tracking tools are getting better. Downsides: Requires careful monitoring, effort, discipline, and a certain kind of couple. Substantial pregnancy risk. Upsides: Inexpensive, no prescription or side effects.   

Diaphragm, female condom (every time) — Diaphragms and female condoms are barriers made from silicone or rubber. Inserted before intercourse, they block sperm from reaching the uterus. Around 1 in 5 couples relying on these methods will get pregnant each year, half again as many as those using male condoms. (My mom had five diaphragm babies.) That said, the female condom is the one female-controlled method that protects against STIs. Downsides: Substantial risk of pregnancy. Takes practice to insert consistently and correctly. Can irritate the vagina. Upsides: No side effects, condom offers STI protection, diaphragm reduces pelvic infections. 

No one method works for all people. Some, like me, have medical conditions that mean they shouldn’t take hormones (in my case migraines). Some have personal or ancestral trauma and don’t feel ready to have a healthcare provider put something inside them. Some trust shots; others hate them. Some can remember to take a pill at the same time every day for years on end, while most of us can’t. Some want lighter, less-frequent periods while others like their monthly cycle. For any given person, one or more of these considerations may be worth a higher degree of pregnancy risk. We all make trade-offs. 

But to do so, we need to know what we are and aren’t trading off. Everyone who doesn’t want to be pregnant right now deserves to know their options. How well does each birth control option stack the odds in favor of—birth control? The differences, as I’ve already said, can be huge: A couple relying on condoms is 100 times more likely to face an unsought pregnancy and a potential abortion quest than a couple relying on an implant or hormonal IUD. 

Abortion rights and sex ed and contraceptive access for young people are under siege in much of the United States. Some Christians and politicians think the price of sex should be pregnancy roulette and then parenthood, however unwanted or mistimed. Women are being treated like moral degenerates or criminals because they chose not to incubate an unsought or unhealthy pregnancy. In other words, the stakes are high, and spreading accurate information is an act of defiance. 

So do it.

What’s the best way you know to make the world a better place for women?

Kolkata: Books, Parks, Vids, and More + Aithal’s Game + Podcast

My honey puts on a good face to indulge my book love.
My honey puts on a good face to indulge my book love.

Teaser: Happiness Between Tails Happiness Between Tails

The Happiness Between Tails podcast speaks to and from the heart. Like its corresponding blog, HBT also connects book lovers and writers who'll enjoy the novels I’m drafting, which will soon become podcasts I will totally narrate. “Flamenco + the Sitting Cat" and “Tango + the Sitting Cat” are my love letters to all who fear they're too old, too damaged, too whatever to find love and happiness with or without a partner. HappinessBetweenTails.com • ContactdaAL@gmail.com Like what you hear? Buy me a coffee at buymeacoffee.com/SupportHBT — Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/depe9/message Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/depe9/support

Check out the Happiness Between Tails Podcast at Spotify for Podcasters! There you’ll find links to subscribe, hear, and share episodes of Happiness Between Tails by da-AL via most any platform, from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. The full list of 50+ places is at LinkTree.

Kolkata is regarded as the seat of India’s intellectual creativity. No doubt the rest of India is darned amazing too. That said, Kolkata is home to six Nobel Prize laureates, starting with multi-talented Rabindranath Tagore who I posted about earlier.

Book lover that I am (about the book I’m working on here), I was ecstatic to catch Kolkata’s annual two-week book fair. Since the event’s inception in 1976, it’s grown into the world’s 3rd largest!

Mind you, every single one of the many people I tried to convey my excitement over it clearly stifled yawns. That, my blog friends, is why I appreciate you! If you happened here because I reached out to you, it was because you share my book amor.

My husband enjoys books. Unlike me, he has his limits. Good man that he is, he summoned a car (the driver adding his honk, honk, honks to Kolkata’s honking soundtrack that I blogged about earlier) to whisk us to my dream of nirvana — a football field worth of readers, authors, and publishers of books — albeit in languages neither of us understand…

This year’s theme was Spain. Never mind that the very young flamenco dancers were already unbuckling their shoes when we arrived. Lucky for my honey, an impromptu local musical group sang and strummed flamenco outside of the Spanish Tourism building. That’s fitting, given that flamenco’s long journey of the influences of many countries began in India! Sorry for the lack of photos — I was busy inhaling books…

da-AL at entry of Kolkata Book Fair.

Whew! Allow me a deep breath to come down from the high of recalling it…

For the sake of continuity, these vendors were across the street as we sought decent cell phone reception to get back home.

Photos of street food vendors across from Kolkata Book Fair.

Tempting as the street food looked and smelled, we adhered to our doctor’s orders (explained here) to stay away from it. Thanks to fine restaurants and our hotel’s great buffets, it wasn’t too difficult to abstain. For instance breakfast included all sorts of freshly baked sweet and non-sweet breads, assorted nuts, cereals, fresh salads, hummus-type dips, and more…

Note the construction behind the chef taking hot orders.
Note the construction behind the chef taking hot orders.
Photo of several pots of stews.
Only a small portion of the breakfast selection.

So, like I was getting to, around the day of the fair, we strolled about a mile of jackhammers and dust from emerging buildings and an extensive overhead subway route. Many workers live on-site, much like how farm workers do in the States. Even trucks are adorned in Kolkata…

Photo of super hand-painted truck in New Town, Kolkata.

A huge roundabout surrounding a colossal spider building, reminiscent of LAX’s long-legged theme building, offered underground passages with some nice artwork…

Khashayar in underground walkway, New Town, Kolkata.

Within the jet lagged blur of our first few days, we taxied (amid more honking) to downtown Kolkata’s Victoria Memorial.

da-AL and Khashayar in front of Victoria Memorial, Kolkata, India.

The building and park echoes the Colonial British India era, when English businessmen shaped Kolkata to look like London.

Several exhibit rooms documented the life of Subhas Chandra Bose, best known by the honorific title of Netaji. An Indian nationalist, he’s revered by many. He’s a complicated hero, however, having sought Hitler’s assistance when he decided, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

India’s independence from England was significantly waged by brave women!

In his fight for Indian independence, Netaji formed the all-women Rani Jhansi Regiment.
In his fight for Indian independence, Netaji formed the all-women Rani Jhansi Regiment.

For more of this journey, click here and here and here and here and here. More next week!

In the meantime, why not play Aithal’s (he’s been a guest here and here and here and here before) Purple Turtle? Aithal in Irvine and his brother in Mumbai coordinated time zones to transcend a popular word game into the international language of numbers.

A screenshot of PurpleTurtle.app numbers game before one begins to play.
A screenshot of PurpleTurtle.app numbers game before one begins to play.

PurpleTurtle.app: Let’s Play!

1. Enter any 4-digit number using 0-9 without repeating digits. Press Enter.

2. The Clue Box on the right-hand side will display green and/or yellow turtles. How to decipher clue/s in the Clue Box:

  • One Green Turtle for every correct digit in its correct place. Please note, Green Turtles merely indicate how many digits and not which digits are in the correct place.
  • One Yellow Turtle for every correct digit but in the wrong place. Yellow Turtles merely indicate how many digits are correct but in the wrong place, and not which digits are correct.

3. Using the above clue/s try different combinations and keep solving until you have cracked the hidden number.

4. You will get a maximum of 7 tries to crack the hidden number.

Press the circle with the arrow in the upper right corner to start a new game.
Press the three vertical lines in the upper right corner to know your stats.

Here's a screenshot of how PurpleTurtle.app looks when you start to fill in boxes.
Here’s a screenshot of how PurpleTurtle.app looks when you start to fill in boxes.

Here’s a typical example of an unsolved puzzle (the user was unsuccessful after seven tries. Thus, the puzzle revealed the correct number):

Screenshot of a full PurpleTurtle.app game.
Screenshot of a full PurpleTurtle.app game.

How do you listen to podcasts and audiobooks?

DIY Amends + A. Bailey’s Book Sites + Podcast: L. Akiyama Published

Award-winning contemporary romance writer Andrya Bailey scouts a site in Athens.
Award-winning contemporary romance writer Andrya Bailey scouts a site in Athens.
Want to listen to a podcast/audio version of Happiness Between Tails? Click the Spotify podcast link above. And please give it a follow.

Apologies in advance to you, dear reader, if this post’s intro is choppy with the rawness of my jangled nerves. The writing that follows (by the way, here’s about my novels-in-progress) won’t involve names or pertinent exposing facts — it’s just me trying to eek some good out of something upsetting. Scant hours ago, right after I’d taken a shower, someone apologized for a terrible thing they did to me a long ago. Now I could use another shower.

How to give an apology in 3 easy steps:

  1. Don’t phone your victim… er hem person… to do it unless there’s plenty of time to converse.  Don’t ask if they’ve got time to talk and if they only have ten minutes, just sob and blow through it. Not if you’re sincere about wanting to help the other person rather than merely unburden yourself.
  2. Stay humble and on-topic. Don’t tell them how terrible you feel for all the bad turns you assume resulted in their life from the bad thing you did. Neither inflate your importance, nor imply the person is living a messed up life — that’s not apologizing, it’s condescending.
  3. Remember you’re apologizing to help (or should be) the person you wronged. Don’t bother if your mind is on simply assuaging your own guilt.

7 more steps can show you mean it:

  1. Heed #1 above by listening to their response with an open heart and mind.
  2. Get to the point without the person having to dig for what you are referring to.
  3. You can ask them if there’s something they’d like from you.
  4. Better yet, say you wish you’d never done it and you’ll never (I hope) do it again to them or anyone else.
  5. Don’t get angry back if they get angry.
  6. Don’t later contradict your apology in any way, shape, or form.

I get that apologies are difficult and messy. Of course, I accepted this one and am grateful for it. Still, now I feel bad for feeling bad…

How have apologies made you feel?…

Today’s guest is award-winning contemporary romance writer Andrya Bailey. Since childhood, she yearned for the writing life. Years of writing later, she entered a manuscript contest. No, she didn’t win the actual competition. However, she won by having a novel she later self-published! A poetry book followed, and so did short stories, anthologies, journals, more contests, and a romance trilogy. Today she’s published by one of the 5th best publishing houses in Houston, and a press in Greece!

Researching Location for Contemporary Fiction Books by Andrya Bailey

When I started writing a romance trilogy, I knew that, since one character was Greek, the couple would eventually end up in Greece. I hadn’t been to Greece yet, even though it was a place I’d always dreamed of.

Poseidon Temple in Cape Sounion, Greece, another location I researched for Olympian Heartbreak: Book 2. Photo by Andrya Bailey.
Poseidon Temple in Cape Sounion, Greece, another location I researched for Olympian Heartbreak: Book 2. Photo by Andrya Bailey.

I knew I’d have to resort to internet research to describe the locations for the contemporary tale.

The primary location of the first book was Houston, TX, where I live.

San Antonio, TX, where novelist Andrya Bailey lives, features prominently in Olympian Passion: Book 1.
San Antonio, TX, where novelist Andrya Bailey lives, features prominently in Olympian Passion: Book 1.

As the book progressed, I recognized that being onsite gave me an advantage on how to describe the places. Instead of doing research on the internet, visiting a place you’re writing about brings forth senses you otherwise wouldn’t notice. For example: smells, sounds, sights and the total atmosphere which you can’t fully capture if you’re just looking at pictures. It also brings forth the emotions you feel and can instill in your characters. Thus, more “show” rather than “tell” in your story.

The primary location of the second book was Athens. When I took a trip to Greece, I had already finished the manuscript but it wasn’t published yet. It was a great opportunity to test the research I did online. I wanted to see if what I described was up to par with the actual places.

The research had been great. But seeing the places in person – it’s a cliché here – “it was priceless”. Did I change anything after the trip? Yes. Once I experienced firsthand the colors, sounds, tastes, the culture and personalities, it was easier to edit the story to reflect those senses. Not only that, but some details that may not be observable while researching online. For example, in one chapter, our Greek hero takes his beloved to a specific restaurant. She’s presented with a menu in Greek and, not being able to read Greek, she asks him to order whatever he thinks she’d like. When I went to that same restaurant, though, I noticed the menu was both in English and Greek. This is the case for most of the restaurants in big cities, such as Athens. So, I changed the narrative to reflect that. Since the choices on the menu overwhelmed her, she asked her hero to choose whatever he thought she’d like. The outcome was the same, but the detail was important enough to ensure she could read the menu in English. It all came to accuracy.

Andrya researched Koulos Fort in Crete her Olympian Love: Book 3.
Andrya researched Koulos Fort in Crete her Olympian Love: Book 3.

Here’s an excerpt of when the heroine arrives at the airport in Athens, according to my experience (from Olympian Heartbreak):

“As we stepped out of the airport terminal into the passenger pickup area to wait for our transportation to the hotel, smog and fumes from the hectic Athens’ traffic assaulted me. A hot, humid breeze carried along the sounds of car horns, police whistles, sirens, blasting radios, and tumultuous voices speaking a language I didn’t understand. Compact cars in the convoluted traffic and harried pedestrians smoking and talking on their cells completed this assault on my senses. Not what I had expected Athens to be like. It was overwhelming in an exotic way. I inhaled and took in the myriad of colors, sounds, and smells as a welcome change which would only enrich my life. And I hoped to have my god waiting for me at the other side of this archaeologically modern rainbow.”

I was fortunate to travel before the book publication. According to my travel experience, I edited the location details to make them more accurate. And I’m thankful we can resort to online research and books to find out more about the subject we’re writing about when traveling is not possible. 

There’s another valuable and important resource to ensure accuracy while describing places we haven’t been to or can’t travel to. You can ask a person from the country for their feedback when in doubt about the cultural and local traditions. Finding a reliable local source can be of utmost importance to understand how their behavior can be exhibited in certain settings. I looked for local Greek teachers and historians to proofread the manuscripts. It ensured an accurate portrayal not only of their country and culture but also of their people. As a result, a Greek publisher accepted the trilogy for publication. Their editors were very pleased with the way I represented their country and culture in the story.

Although it can be costly and time-consuming, onsite and in person research can greatly enhance your perception of the place you’re writing about, and you’ll also have wonderful memories of a great vacation (and an excuse to travel more!).

Do you have a fave locale for fiction? And how have apologies made you feel?…

Edinburgh Art: U.S. + Notorious Lesbian Book + U.K. Landform

Tourists 1970, by Duane Hanson 1925-1996, constructed of polyester resin, fiberglass, and mixed media.

“A thousand roads lead men forever to Rome.” (Believed by some to have been penned by Alain de Lille in 1175.)

Bunches writers of stacks novels borrow and twist that proverb. The way it relates to this dilemma is — have you ever returned home from a trip and waited so long to sort your photos that you no longer remember where you saw what? Worse, did a pandemic come along and toss your blog posting plans to the winds? Those, my friend, are my excuses for this post.

Do you, like me, find yourself measuring time as ‘pre-pandemic,’ ‘early pandemic,’ etc.?

Not all that very long ago, in pre-pandemic Scotland, I was pleasantly reacquainted with a couple of fellow Americans, both of them artists. Remember Cabbage Patch Kids (o-m-g!!! I just Googled them — they’re still manufactured!?)? The dolls, IMHO vomitous as they are, remind me of Duane Hanson’s art, who respect tremendously. He started as overtly political. Later he segued into depictions of sorely neglects folks and subjects, this way and this way. His life-casts here are portrayed as a couple, yet in real life they never met. Incorrigibly Floridian, they stand out in Edinburgh…

Tourists 1970, by Duane Hanson 1925-1996, constructed of polyester resin, fiberglass, and mixed media.
Tourists 1970, by Duane Hanson 1925-1996, constructed of polyester resin, fiberglass, and mixed media.

“The subject matter that I like best deals with the familiar lower and middle-class American types of today. To me, the resignation, emptiness, and loneliness of their existence capture the true reality of life.” (Artist Duane Hanson)

Rain and more rain; that’s what we got in Scotland. Wetness and all, it was marvelous! The people were kind and down-to-earth, the food was good… a welcome change from the So Cal droughts! There was so much to see that I’m forced to must split Scotland into more than one post. We’d landed in London and had fun at the British Museum here and here and here. Then we drove to Bath, then admired Avebury and a bit of Wales on the route to Stokesay Castle. Later, the Kelpies of Scotland were amazing! Scotland alone had so much wonderfulness that I’m forced to split it into more than one post!

Now this same Edinburgh gallery (or maybe it was at another place, perhaps in Glasgow?) also featured work by my fave modern artist, he of the Campbell’s soup cans and he who may or may not have said that thing about everyone getting fifteen minutes of fame, Andy Warhol

Shoe and Handbag, 1960, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Graphite and gouache on paper. In the 1950s, before Andy became a pop art icon, he was a mega-successful commercial artist. By the note on the bottom right, even he had probs with picky bosses like this one who hated this purse.
Shoe and Handbag, 1960, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Graphite and gouache on paper. In the 1950s, before Andy became a pop art icon, he was a mega-successful commercial artist. By the note on the bottom right, even he had probs with picky bosses like this one who hated this purse.

 

A Field of Blue Children, 1951-52, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Ink and dye on paper. Andy and I agree that Truman Capote was an amazing writer. This is the only surviving piece from Andy's solo exhibition of fifteen drawings based on Truman's work.
A Field of Blue Children, 1951-52, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Ink and dye on paper. Andy and I agree that Truman Capote was an amazing writer. This is the only surviving piece from Andy’s solo exhibition of fifteen drawings based on Truman’s work.

 

Here Lies the Heart, 1957, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Ink and graphite (a.k.a. pencil) on paper. Only later was this used for the autobiography of Mercedes de Acosta (1893-1968). Of Spanish/Cuban descent, she was known for her poems, plays, and novels. And also for romancing the likes of Great Garbo, Isadora Duncan, and Marlene Dietrich, to name but a few!
Here Lies the Heart, 1957, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Ink and graphite (a.k.a. pencil) on paper. Only later was this used for the autobiography of Mercedes de Acosta (1893-1968). Of Spanish/Cuban descent, she was known for her poems, plays, and novels. And also for romancing the likes of Great Garbo, Isadora Duncan, and Marlene Dietrich, to name but a few!

 

Foot with Cat, 1955-57, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Ink on paper. A page from one of many books Andy made, some for himself, some to showcase his talent to clients.
Foot with Cat, 1955-57, by Andy Warhol (1928-1987) Ink on paper. A page from one of many books Andy made, some for himself, some to showcase his talent to clients.

Here’s Landform by Charles Jencks beyond rainy windows (rain-less view here) of the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art in Edinburgh…

Landform, 2002, by Charles Jencks (b. 1939)
Landform, 2002, by Charles Jencks (b. 1939)

Have you ever mixed up vacation pix? Or completely lost them? Ulp, I have… And do you, like me, find yourself measuring time as ‘pre-pandemic,’ ‘early pandemic,’ etc.?

End Financial Woes in 3 Steps by Mr. Nahas

Happiness Between Tails embraces joy — of writing tales… reading tales in books… cohabiting peacefully with our fellow creatures, some who have tails…

… arts… including music.. dance… cooking…

… and happiness — that includes living debt-worry free!

Here to address money is blogger Mr. Nahas. Down-to-earth and compassionate, he offers uncomplicated financial advice…

Awash in money problems? Mr. Nahas has your back. Here he visits a bathtub in Tampa, Florida.
Awash in money problems? Mr. Nahas has your back. Here he visits a bathtub in Tampa, Florida.

Hello Friends,

I hope all is well with you! My name is Justin Nahas, aka Mr. Nahas on my blog about economic freedom.

I was born, raised, and still live in sunny Florida. I graduated from the University of South Florida with a B.A. in Economics.

I have a passion for personal finance and economics — I just find the subjects so fascinating. I love how they can be applied to real life, and that there is always something new to learn about them. On my blog, I try to help people become financially literate, to take control of their finances.

Money is a problem in every part of the world and in many households. It’s important that those like me who enjoy personal finance and economics share their knowledge with others. One day I hope that I can blog full-time and continue to teach others through my failures, mistakes — and successes.

Today, I’ll discuss debt — but not how you might expect. I’m going to go over the emotional struggles that come with owing money and how to overcome those challenges.

Debt has a significant impact how we think, talk, and behave. I believe that getting over the psychological effects of debt is the crucial first step to living debt-free!

So, grab that cup of coffee that you made at home because you enjoy saving money, and let’s get started!

Have you ever thought about your debts and immediately began to stress out or have anxiety? Does the thought of your burdens make you feel like you can’t breathe? Do you constantly wonder if you are going to be able to repay the money owe?

Whether we want to realize it or not, debt impacts our well being. It can lead to stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, and even depression; that’s not something you should live with.

A study conducted by Elizabeth Sweet, a professor of Anthropology at the University of Massachusetts, Boston, suggested that “higher debt is associated with worse health in a national cohort.” It proved that, “reporting high financial debt relative to available assets is associated with higher perceived stress and depression, worse self-reported general health, and higher diastolic blood pressure.” Sweet’s is only one study of many that link debt to well-being.

You aren’t alone in emotionally struggling with debt. Many are in the same boat as you. Many others feel stressed, depressed, anxious, worried, and worse.

That’s okay. It is normal to have that feeling, but you don’t have to accept it as the end-all. Together, we can tackle this emotional struggle.

By now, you’re probably asking, “But Mr. Nahas, how can I get over these feelings?”

That is a fantastic question. Read on for steps you can take.

Mr. Nahas visits Byblos, Lebanon.
Globetrotting Mr. Nahas visits Byblos, Lebanon. People everywhere experience money probs.

1. Feelings Validation

I want you to know that it’s okay to have feelings about your debt; there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s essential that you know that your feelings are normal, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed. That said, you can’t live in your feelings; you can’t let them get in the way of your goals and overwhelm you to the point where you shutdown.

At the same time, just because you feel anxious doesn’t mean that you should just sit down and do nothing; you need to do the opposite. Instead of saying, “I am feeling stressed. I am ashamed of feeling stressed; I don’t want to do anything,” tell yourself, “I feel stressed, and that is okay. I need to let this stress motivate me to get out of debt.”

You have the biggest asset known to man – your mind. The beautiful thing about your mind is that you can control all of your thoughts and actions. Use your thinking to your advantage; tackle these feelings.

One way to do that is to accept that it’s okay to feel sad, anxious, stressed, etc. Another is to know that you don’t have to continually live with these feelings. Be proactive. What I mean by this is that when you get these feelings, tell youself, “It’s okay,” and then say, “I don’t have to live with this debt; it’s possible to get rid of it, and I will get rid of it.”

Always remind yourself that debt can be managed and that it’s totally possible to get rid of it entirely. Keep affirming to yourself that what you owe doesn’t define you and that it’s only temporary. This journey starts with your attitude and thoughts. Think, and it can be achieved!

Now you might ask, “Mr. Nahas, can I take a run or workout whenever I feel stressed or have these feelings?” Absolutely! Physical exercise can help tremendously with those feelings, but don’t forget to tell yourself what I mentioned above!

Validation: It’s okay to feel the way you feel. Don’t be ashamed. Use your feelings to make you stronger.

2. Acceptance and Realization

You need to accept that you have debt; it may seem trivial, but it’s an important step.

“Mr. Nahas, why would I need to do this?” Good question!

You can’t shy away from this problem; you need to tackle it head-on. It’s not one of those things where you can say, “Out of sight, out of mind.” It’s actually really dangerous to say that because you will then let compound growth take effect and wreak havoc.

To be in control of your debt, you must take control of it. Make a list of all the debts that you have and accept that you have them — and then realize that you don’t have to live with them.

You can pay them off and be free, but it’s going to take some work. It’s totally possible to dig yourself out from them, even if you are at the bottom. There are so many people who have then climbed out; they will tell you it’s hard work, but they will also say that it’s completely possible and worth it.

Mr. Nahas visits a city near Beirut, Lebanon.
Debt can take all the joy out of life. Mr. Nahas admires a beautiful city near Beirut, Lebanon.

3. Be Proactive

Before you move on to this step, you must understand and practice the two previous ones. You need to know it’s okay to have bad feelings about your debt, but you shouldn’t accept that you have to live with them. You need to accept that you have the debt — then realize that it’s possible to pay it off.

But Mr. Nahas, where do I start?” you ask?

It’s important to have financial philosophies you’ll live by. They will help you see what’s important in your life and what isn’t. Once you realize that, you can create a budget and stick to it.

This may be hard for the first couple of months, but sacrifice now is worth living debt-free later. Once you stick to your financial philosophies and budget, you will see progress. Your mood, attitude, and feelings will change for the better. How long it takes to get rid of debt only depends on how much you owe. You got this!

I hope that I was able to help you with the emotional struggles of owing money. It’s totally possible to resolve all your bills; you just need to believe in yourself and master your mind. There will be struggles and days ahead where you feel like you “just can’t” — but you need to be strong and move forward. Keep being proactive.

If you have any questions or need me to clarify something, post a comment and I will reach out to you as soon as I can.

Thank you, friends, for stopping by! Take care and see you soon!

Peace Out,

Mr. Nahas

P.S. Don’t forget to visit my site, where my goal is to help as many people as possible!

What are your tips for feeling happier about your money?

U.K. Castles n Mushy Peas: Harlech, Conwy, Penrith, Ullswater by da-AL

Our visit to the United Kingdom was studded with castles, each well worth a stop. We were on our way to see Harlech Castle, Conwy Castle, and then to overnight in Penrith with a look at Ullswater.

On my way to Harlech Castle.

Our vacation began in London, where we enjoyed the British Museum here and here and here. We left with a rented car and were almost accustomed to driving (my husband) and riding (me) on the ‘wrong’ side only inches from England’s gorgeous stone-walled roads by the time we reached Bath. We admired Avebury, then a little of Wales on the route to Stokesay Castle, and later we would be awed by the Kelpies of Scotland.

Even this black dog admires the sights.

Harlech Castle in Harlech, Wales, a World Heritage Site, is categorized by UNESCO as one of “the finest examples of late 13th-century and early 14th-century military architecture in Europe.” Enormous, it offers grand views…

The panoramic views from Harlech Castle are impressive…
…even on a cloudy day.
The city of Harloch is lovely…
…including when you see it…
…from here with my honey.

It was time for lunch. A short drive further up the coast, we stopped in the city of Conwy for fish and chips fried in beef fat for Khashayar, and mushy peas (marrowfat peas cooked down to mush — a love-it or hate-it staple throughout the U.K.) with vegan gravy for me. Conwy is a walled market town in the north of Wales. After the filling meal, we strolled the nearby river and marveled at the Conwy Castle’s exterior. Writer/TV personality/activist Rick Steves offers a fascinating view of the interior. UNESCO calls Conwy Castle one of “the finest examples of late 13th-century and early 14th-century military architecture in Europe.”

Conwy Castle is worth a visit…
…and so is the region around it.

We spent the night in Penrith, Cumbria, a market town with more sights than we could take in. Exhausted and the evening late, we checked into a beautiful bed and breakfast, glad to find an attractive room with a scenic window. Once settled, we strolled to what must have been a theater at one time. Whatever it was, it’s now the biggest Indian food restaurant I’ve ever seen!

Elaine, Richard, and Dora are terrific hosts.

That following morning, our hosts, Elaine and Richard plus their lovely Dora, charmed us with their kindness. Their extensive English breakfast equally accommodated my meat-lover husband and my veggie self.

Ullswater is a quick twenty-minute drive away, so we enjoyed a nine-mile ride along the lake. It’s the second largest lake in the English Lake District. Here’s a video by someone else of the boat jaunt we took.

Rain or shine, a ride down Ullswater is fun.

What’s your fave region in the U.K.?

Dogs Fly, Books, Unsung Art, Vistas, Dolphins in Los Angeles by da-AL

Having people stay over is the best time to get to know my sprawling Los Angeles better! This month we had the bonanza of double guests. I’m kicking myself (metaphorically) for botching photos of some family, so please envision cheery faces between all these shots…

Pasadena’s lovely Norton Simon Museum (of art), is modestly sized yet dense with treasures! Pablo Picasso apparently made the women in his life miserable, which may explain why this one finds sweet refuge in her book…

Woman with a Book, 1932, Pablo Picasso of Spain, oil on canvas.

I knew about Edgar Degas’ captivating ballerina sculptures (the Norton also features some of those), but not that he created atmospheric monotypes…

Autumn Landscape (L’Estérel),1890, Edgar Degas of France, monotype in oil colors on heavy cream-colored laid paper.

Unsung artists sing out! There’s a special place in my heart for ‘unknown’ artists, given my current status as a not-yet-published novelist. In this work by a lesser-known painter, this hat maker might be more content reading a book, no?…

The Milliner by Valere De Mari of the U.S., 1917, pastel on wove sketch pad paper.

Reading Donna Tartt’s Pulitzer-winner “The Goldfinch,” which sets an amazing portrait of a little bird at its core, put me in the mood for Dutch art. Unknown artist(s?) committed these masterly tulips to paper for a tulpenboek, a.k.a. a humble flower catalog…

Branson, c. 1640, gouache, watercolor, and pencil on paper.
Root en Geel van Katolikn, c. 1640, gouache, watercolor, and pencil on paper.

Animal lovers, join me in a swoon at this visual paean to dogs! Note the proud master’s coat of arms on the collar, his ‘country house’ in the background…

Aldrovandi Dog, c. 1625, Giovanni Francesco Barbiere (a.k.a. Guercino) of Italy, oil on canvas.

Griffith Park is as wonderful for the park itself as it is for the views. You met this part of my family first here

My year ‘round Valentine and moi in front, Angela and Kim in back, with the sun on our faces, the wind in our hair, and grand Los Angeles behind us.

Our doggie barely touched the ground, she had that much fun at Rosie’s Dog Beach in Long Beach. Thank you, Justin, for your many many good works, including getting the city to okay this canine paradise. As for dolphins, dear reader, your imagination is needed — every dang many times those amazing creatures surfaced only yards from us, they eluded my photography. All the same, they were breathtaking!!!!!…

See the joyous dog in flight, visualize the dolphins cavorting, ignore the oil rigs in the background…

What sight do you most wish you could have photographed?

Textile Protest, Alt-Reality Animation, Nature Dream at MOLAA by da-AL

The Museum of Latin American Art in Long Beach, California, is a great way to spend a rainy day with visiting family!

What a delight to visit MOLAA with Angela!

On display were arpilleras — textiles sewn by the women of MEMCh (Movement for the Emancipation of the Chilean Woman) to protest the 17-year-long fascist regime of Agosto Pinochet. The dictator seized control of Chile with the backing of United States President Nixon in 1973 and further support of later U.S. President Bush’s family. (More about the exhibition here)…

Bullets rain down on seekers of justice in Chile…

Women had to be creative to get word out about the killings…

“Children search trash cans for bread.” “Not everyone has running water.”

Books are burned…

All are forced to worship the dictator…

Dreams, politics, and beauty merge in the art of Argentine artist Matias Duville

Transcendent and political art by Argentine artist Matias Duville…

Award-winning animation was also on display — the alternative worlds created by Quique Rivera, a Puerto Rican animation artist, sculptor, photographer, and film director. His sculptures such as these…

Quique Rivera sees things differently…

His underwater world is like no other…

…created videos such as these! Also, more about the Museum of Latin American Art is here and here and here.

Where’s your favorite place to take visitors?…