5 Tips 4 Young Women by L. Sealey + Pod46: J.L. Harland + Rebloom

Blog post title over photo of author Lindsay Sealey.
Author Lindsay Sealey.

Co-Authoring by J.L. Harland + 4 Rebloomers Happiness Between Tails

#Authors #Writing #CoAuthoring #Books #Publishing Have you ever co-authored a book? And how many times do you hope to bloom? J. L. Harland is a duo of authors, both who "turned new pages" after retirement. Share your thoughts, experiences, and questions by recording them on my Anchor by Spotify page — or comment at HappinessBetweenTails.com — or email me. Like what you hear? Buy me a coffee. buymeacoffee.com/SupportHBT Time Stamps (where segments begin): HBT introduction Intro to today’s topic and guest 1:05 Co-Authoring by J.L. Harland My question for you HBT outro Links used for the HBT blog post of this episode: Original blog post for this episode at Happiness Between Tails. About my own novels in progress. J. L. Harland Photos available at the HBT post for this show: J. L. Harland All of today’s other re-bloomers. The delicious bread I baked. — This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/depe9/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/depe9/support

Click H-E-R-E for my new podcast page at AnchorFM. This week’s episode is the audio version of Co-Authoring by J.L. Harland + 4 Rebloomers.

At the Happiness Between Tails podcast page, you’ll also find links to subscribe, hear, and share it via most any platform, from Spotify and Apple Podcasts, to Google Podcasts and Pocket Casts, along with RadioPublic and Castbox and Stitcher and more, plus an RSS feed. The full list of 50+ places is at LinkTree.

Supergirl, Superwoman, Superman, Superboy, Superball — whoops, not that one (hyphenated or not, as Iam McGuire opines) — the author of today’s guest blog post came to me through a publicist’s email inquiry. Normally I click those into my spam folder, sometimes lob them to the government’s official email (phishing-report at us-cert dot gov — moreover, I forward text spam to 772-6 along with their phone numbers copied and pasted). In a weird way, these types of solicitation are validation of me as an author!

This once I decided to see what sort of guest blog post they’d send me. Mind you, no $$ exchanged hands. When emailers promise payment, expecting you to read one of those feels like taking advantage of reader-friends…

As it is, I had my doubts about this one. “What the heck am I doing” rumbled through my belly as I interacted with the publicist who kept her client well away from me. There were lots of emails from the PR-ist, ticking off her checklist of telling me who would contact me, when, etc., when I asked for larger photos (see my guest blog posting guidelines). She ignored my inquiries about the PR process, even my invite for her to submit a guest blog post of her own about it.

It’s odd to not share at least a smattering of convo with the author. To her credit, the author got her money’s worth out of the PR agent, because here I am, publishing her (the publicist assured me it wasn’t ghostwritten) article.

I can read your mind! Ohmmmm… You want to know why I published it, no?

Whelp, I’ve inserted it below because like me, many of you are writers, lots of us searching how to a) get our books finished, b) get them out there, and c) sell semi-trucks of them.

As a reader and/or blogger and/or book writer, how do you feel about blog posts funneled through publicists?

What follows is advice I need as much as the author’s intended young women do. Maybe you, too? Break down our projects, build on that, etc. Sounds great to me! That first part reminds me of the feminist everyone loves to hate, Cosmo Magazine founder Helen Gurley (go girlies!) Brown’s advice that we can have it all. Then again, what if we can have it all, just not all at once?

Recently I started writing in a productivity journal that I won’t name because I’m not yet sure about it. There are many to choose from. Before you poo-poo positive thinking and affirmations, as cynical moi could do in a heartbeat, here’s my post on sci-fi queen Octavia E. Butler’s faith in them. 

Fear and Dread come naturally (such are the brain-grooves of a gaslit viscous upbringing) and can easily paralyze me unless I’m vigilant. Hard even for me to believe, cancer helped me with them, as I wrote earlier.

In essence, this journal begins with instructions and inspiration, then beckons participants to, every morning and night, spend a few minutes answering a handful of questions.

A British author whose name I can’t remember anymore, once commented on the radio of how charming Americans, we with our childlike insistence that all it takes is confidence to achieve anything. Brits, she said, know better.

What do you think of that? For me, there’s got to be muscle involved, a lot more than mere intention. Granted, mucho luck too. Summer comes late in Los Angeles, so I’ll blame the current brain-stunting muggy heat for getting me off-topic. Among my non-virtual frieds — I mean friends, I’m the .001% who eschews air-conditioning. We all do what we can (I hope), so count not partaking of a/c as my kiss to Mother Earth.

Back to today’s guest. Speaker, educator, and consultant Lindsay Sealey, MA Ed, is based out of Vancouver, Canada. Check out her website for info on her books, manuals, etc., for girls, boys, and parents, all of them meant to make everyone happier, smarter, and the best we can be. Most recently, she’s pursuing mind-body lifestyle research, like in this video at her Youtube channel.

Cover of Made for More, by Lindsay Sealey.

5 Ways to Help Young Women Overcome Super Girl Syndrome by Lindsay Sealey, MA Ed

Do you know what I see when I look at the young women I coach? Talent. Skill. Intelligence. Care. Passion. Hard work. Motivation. Ambition. They want to be good, feel good, do good, and make a difference in the world.

Yet, they often do not see any of these attributes in themselves. What do they see? They see how they aren’t keeping up; they fear they are missing out; they feel they are not doing enough; they believe they are not good enough. So, they either try harder, pushing beyond their own boundaries, striving for a little more “perfect”, and punishing themselves with harsh criticism. Or they do nothing, resigning to the idea that if they can’t be exceptional, why bother trying. They play the comparison game, and they lose every single time. 

I call this super girl syndrome and it’s holding our young women back from inherent true greatness and power. Super girl syndrome is a way of being, often learned from strong and pervasive societal messages for growing girls to be “everything” and to “do it all”. Yes, the intention behind girl power is fantastic. We want our girls to feel they can dream big and design a full and fulfilling life without limits or limitations. It’s true this generation of young women – Gen Z – have more choices and can take more chances than any previous generation. They may have no glass ceilings and they know the sky’s the limit. The problem is that as the world tells them “You can do anything”, they interpret this as “I have to do everything”. “Everything” is a tremendous amount of pressure!

It’s no wonder girls’ mental health concerns are on the rise. They are more stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed than ever. They can feel exhausted, deflated, discouraged, and sometimes even defeated. They can choose to give in and give up. 

As I work with girls, I’ve learned to explain to them that while they can do everything and I encourage them to be both multi-passionate and multi-talented, they don’t need to do it all in a day, but they do need to do something every day. In fact, I teach them how to remove the pressure from their shoulders, take off their super woman cape, and make an action plan to support their growth, taking one step at a time.

Here are 5 ways to help any young woman overcome super girl tendencies to design her days and become her boldest brightest self: 

  1. Let go of the ideal of perfection. We all know “there is no such thing as perfect”. Instead of pushing for an unrealistic ideal that doesn’t even exist, encourage her to embrace progress instead. If perfect is striving for more and more with the accompanying self-cruelty, without any self-compassion or recognition of effort, progress offers her the upside of goals and achievements with the built-in beauty of acceptance and appreciation of where she’s at and where’s she going! Help her focus on the daily wins that come with progress.
  2. Embrace “perfectly imperfect”. Imperfect could be the new perfect. Why? Imperfect is real. Accepting flaws, flops, and failures not only removes pressure to prove or be perfect but adds the authenticity she may be longing for. Imperfect means she makes mistakes, and she is confident enough to learn and grow. She makes errors because she’s human, not broken. She makes mistakes because she’s learning, not incompetent. She falls because she’s trying. If we can help girls see that imperfect benefits them more than any self-imposed high standard, I’m convinced, they’ll be able to flourish and fly. 
  3. Turn from procrastination toward action. Procrastination often comes from the fear of not being enough. So, flip the script. Enough can be rewritten as one step is enough. And little by little, small steps become great changes. She doesn’t have to do it all in a day. She can do one thing a day. Whatever big task or idea is on her mind or on her plate, help her do just one thing towards her goal. This could be one question, one action, one organized area, one page to read, one favour to ask, one YouTube video to watch or one podcast to listen to or book to peruse. If she likes the idea of just one, challenge her with just one hour of effort. She chooses when in her day and what she wants to focus her energy on. And for one focused and intentional hour she rolls up her sleeves and she works. The power of just one – step or hour – is a game changer as she creates her own momentum and often gains the energy she needs to keep going. 
  4. Stop comparing. Social media encourages us to compare our progress with others. Girls often feel they aren’t doing enough, they aren’t keeping up, and they are falling behind. Why? Because they are constantly seeing perfected and polished pictures of what other people are doing without the benefit of seeing the struggles and striving. They conclude everyone is doing more than them, better than them, and must feel happier than they do. Comparisons can help girls gauge where they stand in terms of their growth. Comparisons can also be sources of inspiration. Yet, girls need to trade in constant comparisons to others or even to themselves by choosing to measure their growth to their goals – only. Encourage these questions for self-reflection to steer her away from comparing herself to peers. How am I doing? What’s next for me? What am I most proud of? What changes do I want to keep working on and what changes do I want to add? What am I most looking forward to doing or becoming?
  5. Celebrate progress. Do you know what most young women are terrible at? Taking compliments, giving themselves credit, and celebrating. They often feel taking time to give themselves recognition for their perseverance, determination, and success is conceited, undeserved, and unnecessary. Of course, this is not true. Without time to embrace all they’ve done and what they’ve accomplished, how do they truly know their self-worth and how can feel good about the connection between hard work and outcome? Simple. They can’t. Celebrating doesn’t have to be big – she can high five herself or take 5 minutes to bullet her wins for the week in her journal. Celebrating doesn’t have to be public – like throwing herself a big party. She may opt for lunch with a friend or a date with herself. Celebrating does have to happen. When girls can take time to notice and validate who they are and what they’ve done, they no longer need the stamp of approval from others. 

I see so much goodness and so much potential in young and growing women. I know we need to help then see this in themselves. And one of the ways to get started is by helping them remove the pressure of being super girls to become their most true and powerful selves!

Does over-doing bog you down?

Caregiving for Men by Dan Zeorlin

News alert! Men can be caregivers too.

Since Kansas blogger Dan Zeorlin (a.k.a. MLBerg) became one, he’s shared what he’s learned by writing, “Care Giver’s Manual for Men.” It is absolutely free, neither emails nor strings attached, as a downloadable pdf file. He’s also looking to start a support group.

He first wrote for Happiness Between Tails here. Read on for six of his insights into caregiving…

Caregiver/blogger, Dan Zeorlin (a.k.a. MLBerg), has an absolutely free manual for you!

Observations of a Life Well-Worn: Reflections from a Caregiver, by Dan Zeorlin

  1. Choices: I love to see young, recently-married couples at church with crying babies. Where else would one expect to find such enthusiastic subjects and empathic, experienced audiences? A beautiful encounter is in becoming a Caregiver for someone that you love – and to grow more fully human in sharing life: joys, struggles, strengths, and acceptance. Great opportunity to meet and know God through awesome presence! Of course, it is assumed that a new parent of the crying baby loves her/him. And through the gradual series of choices, we become seasoned Caregivers. 
  2. Disappointment and Farewell to Regret: Show some resolve – grow backbone where it is needed. Do the research to find out what you want and then go for it! If drawbacks are identified in every proposal, then deliver them in a positive manner. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by creating impossible expectations. In other words, allow yourself space to dream big.
  3. What am I waiting for? Get over it! When will it be over? When will my life be through? I don’t know about you, but I need to request a review As Soon As Possible! This doesn’t mean I want fewer days to breathe, eat, sleep, and etc. but merely that I do not wish to spend my life preoccupied with “me” when there is so much more worth living for. Worse off than some…Better off than most – I do not deserve a charmed life. But isn’t this what I have every time I escape into my comfort zone? I need to be taking chances and reach new levels of shared experience. After all, sharing is caring.
  4. Enabling vs. getting a leg up: How do we become better Caregivers? The opportunities to help run rampant; the desire to leave everything neat and tidy is innate; the willingness to clean while becoming exposed to filth, getting dirty, and experiencing heartache can be devastating. Each of us has certain norms and standards, but none of these are absolute. What’s more, the object of desire often moves, and it changes. So instead of keeping the focus on trying to reach a target’s bulls-eye, sometimes the goal becomes quite unimagined and may take on slight variations or be radically different. Approach unforeseen consequences and not-prepared-for conclusions with confidence.
  5. The point is… When you sign up to love unconditionally (i.e., become a Caregiver), you do not control the rules. Pray for strength to say “Yes” each time something is asked of you; have the courage to say “No” whenever it is in the best interests of life. Try to recognize and respect those times when there is no answer other than to “hang in there.” We can be certain that love is served through Caregiving.
  6. What can I do to help? Look for ideas (try reading this: Caregivers Manual for Men) and get on board.

More about Dan Zeorlin: He is a blogger, a supporter, a follower, and a learner. He believes there’s no need to reinvent the wheel, but sometimes we must build a better mousetrap. His desire for sharing methods to enable persistence in giving care is simply a calling to do the right thing.

Do you know any men who are caregivers?…  

Wash instead of throw away by Stella, oh, Stella

Facial dabbers with a holder for them are easy to make!

Making beautiful, useful things out of stuff that would otherwise get tossed does everyone a favor! Birgit, originally from Germany, blogs in both English and German from Denmark about everything from nature and cooking to gardening and books. On her Youtube channel, she plays music with her husband and shows us beautiful outdoor sights like this one (watch to the end to get a glimpse of her lovely smile). Read on for how to turn old towels into new makeup removers — and even how to crochet a holder that can be used to machine-wash them…

Stella, oh, Stella

Diese Idee habe ich von Youtube, ich weiss leider nicht mehr, von welchem Kanal. Es ging darum, dass man als Frau oft viel Watte benutzt zum Abschminken, Gesichtswasser auftragen etc.

… This idea I found on Youtube. I don’t remember on which channel, unfortunately. It was about all the little cotton-wool balls that women often use to remove makeup or to put on facial tonic.

Anstatt nun Watte zu benutzen, die man hinterher wegwirft, hatte jemand die grossartige Idee, runde Pads aus Baumwollgarn zu häkeln, die man waschen kann.

… Instead of using cotton-wool, which one throws away after use, somebody had the great idea, to crochet little dabbers of cotton-wool yarn.

Da ich aber welche hier und jetzt benötige, habe ich ein altes Handtuch, das ich nicht mehr benutze, von dem ich mich aber nicht trennen kann, weil es von so guter Qualität ist, auch wenn es jetzt einige…

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How I Got Published (Big Time) by Lance Akiyama

How does an author get their book published by a big company, as opposed to doing it on their own? Hard work and good fortune figured into how a big-time publisher of how-to books reached out to Lance Akiyama. Together, they’ve put out four books (including a revised version of one) by him about how to make cool stuff from rubber bands, duct tape, and more.

Do you have first-hand experience? I’m gathering a following of fiction lovers who might enjoy my soon-to-be-published books, “Flamenco and the Sitting Cat,” and “Tango and the Sitting Cat.” Other authors have posted on Happiness Between Tails about their book experiences here and here and here and here and here and here.

Read on for Lance’s post about how he got published. He notes that non-fiction vs. fiction call for different methods…

Lance Akiyama, author of "Duct Tape Engineer" and more.
Lance Akiyama, author of “Duct Tape Engineer” and more.

How I Got Published (Big Time) by Lance Akiyama

My process for getting published was pretty unusual. I had created a series of free project tutorials on Instructables.com, which ranks pretty well if you search Google for ‘engineering projects for kids.’ At some point, my publisher’s editor had a book idea for a series of gadgets that were powered by rubber bands and made from household items. She went searching for someone who could realize that vision, found my work, and offered me the book deal! I don’t think many people have offers to become an author just drop into their inbox, but that’s how it happened.

DIY project books are a bit different than publishing a novel. There’s no outline phase. Instead, there’s a tinkering phase; I had to experiment with about 30-40 project ideas before settling on 20-ish and then spending more time fine-tuning those ideas so they could be easily recreated at home by the reader. The editing phase is more focused on the clarity of the step-by-step instructions rather than the plot or character development. And finally, I had to take hundreds of pictures in my tiny home studio. Well, ‘studio’ is a generous term. Really it was a folding table with a cloth backdrop that was set up in my bedroom. But eventually all the pieces came together, and the publisher’s design team polished up all the content into a great-looking layout!

The next few books followed a similar pattern: my editor had an idea, asked me if I wanted to author the book, and then tinkered & wrote & produced all the materials. But after 4 books plus one revised edition, I think I’m ready to take a break from writing!

Cover of "Duct Tape Engineer" by Lance Akiyama.

About Lance Akiyama: he’s an avid tinkerer, and voted Most Likely to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse. He currently holds a full-time position as a science curriculum developer for Galileo Learning, an innovative summer camp company. His mission is to inspire the next generation of scientists, engineers, and artists with hands-on projects that make kids think, “I can’t believe I made that!”

Have you published a book?

Guest Post: 10 Harmless Things Said That Hurt by Uncustomary Housewife

Photo from Uncustomary Housewife

I admit it — I suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. Fortunately, Uncustomary Housewife offers help from anyone who shares my predicament…

Uncustomary Housewife

I’m letting my heart spill out through my keyboard… metaphorically, of course, and I’m offering it all to you. Today, I’m going to talk about my mental health. This is something that I’ve worked to conceal for a long time, mostly because of the negative stigma attached to mental illness. I’m sharing for two main reasons; (1) to educate people, and (2) to show people like me that they are not alone.

For the record: I’m living with Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder… In this post I’m sharing 10 “harmless things” that people have said to me that actually cause me a great deal of pain. I’m also sharing how they make me feel, and why, while giving you an inside look at my life.

So, these are the things I wish you wouldn’t say to me;

“You don’t look like you have a mental illness.”
More commonly stated as…

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Guest Blog Post: On Boy Books and Girl Books by Pernille Ripp

Books allow me to transcend my own experience of the world. In reading, I can assume the skin of people, places, times, and events that I’ll never otherwise inhabit. They make me feel more part of the world and more human.

How has reading shaped you? Blogger/teacher/parent Pernille Ripp why she believes children should be exposed to all kinds of books…

Blogger/teacher/parent Pernille Ripp.
Blogger/teacher/parent Pernille Ripp.

Pernille Ripp

White, Black, Yellow, Lime,  Free Image

I get asked for a lot of book recommendations, I think it comes with the territory when you share the love of books.  And while I love pairing books with potential readers, I have also noticed a pattern that causes me to pause, that should cause all of us to pause.

I get asked for a lot of books featuring male lead characters for male readers.

When I ask why the need for a male lead, I am often told that “they” just don’t think a boy will read a “girl book.”  That a boy will not like a book about feelings.  That a boy only wants books that have action.  That have other boys in it.  That feature characters that look just like them or at the very least think like them.

As if every single boy thinks alike.

When written like this it is easy to see the…

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How’s your public library? by da-AL

How often do you use the public library nearest to you? Books are heaven to me (I’m in the middle of writing two novels!) — but here in Los Angeles, they’re not the only reason to I love them.

Photo of spaniel dog with his nose in a book, reading.
Photo by 2Photo Pots on Unsplash

  1. Any California resident can get a Los Angeles County Public Library card.
  2. All services are entirely free!
  3. Visitors can browse, and cardholders can borrow in-person or order online — materials from hard copies, audiobooks, magazines, music, movies, and more — to downloadable ones.
  4. Los Angeles County has nearly 100 libraries, including bookmobiles. Free of charge, they’ll deliver books from one site to another.
  5. Physically challenged people can have items delivered.
  6. Vocational and fun classes are available online and at their facilities — many online ones engage real teachers.
  7. There’s live online homework tutoring.
  8. Job seekers and business owners have lots of resources.
  9. Enjoy fun events — music, crafts, reading, and workshops.
  10. Over the summer, kids get free lunches.
  11. Lonely or just want to be cozy and quiet? Come on in!
  12. Meeting spaces can be used by groups and tutors.
  13. Get help obtaining a high school diploma.
  14. Wifi, computers, and printers are complimentary. Photocopying fees are nominal.

Photo of spaniel dog with his nose in a book, reading.
Photo by 2Photo Pots on Unsplash

Share about your public library and share this post…

Guest Blog Post: “Whisper: I Slept With My Bully” by Kally

Photo of a woman on a bed, her back to us

This tragic story, retold by blogger Kally, is all the sadder because the young woman to whom it happened blames herself for what isn’t her fault. To heal, she bravely recounts it to us so that the same thing doesn’t happen to others…

MiddleMe

love your column Whisper and I hope by sharing my story, perhaps some young girl out there will learn from my mistakes and maybe save herself from evil.

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Let’s Make Every Week Banned Books Week! by da-AL

Persepolis is discussed by a UK teen on youtube video about Banned Book Week.

Does the threat of a book being banned ensure that it’s among the finest books written? Check out the fantastic examples cited by the smart folks in this 29-second video (and pat yourself on the back if you smile when “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee is discussed — *see end of this post for why)…

Banned Book Week needs to be every week of the year! Started in the U.S., the now international event has been honored every last week of September since 1982.

* Whereas the girl in the video remembers the story as happening in South America during the 1920s, here’s how Wikipedia tells it: “The story takes place during three years (1933–35) of the Great Depression in the fictional “tired old town” of Maycomb, Alabama, the seat of Maycomb County.”

Once my novels-in-progress are published, I hope they’re not banned! How many potentially banned books have you read?

Part 3: What Has Your Pet Taught You? by da-AL

Newborn Black Labrador Dog
Image courtesy of nixxphotography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Life with dogs…

The twin puppies we adopted ate and ate and ate. And pooed and pooed and pooed. Six months later, they’d grown to 50 and 50 pounds!

Plus, I’d learned nothing about training them.

One day…

As usual, for 10 deafening minutes, they barked at the mailman across the street. Later that day, they destroyed yet another throw rug.

“Bad dogs,” I snapped.

They were too busy chewing to hear me.

“Bad, bad, bad dogs!” I hollered, my voice shrill, my throat raw.

They sat. Four watery eyes gazed up at me.

Then…

Fear made them urinate on the carpet.

My thoughts reeled back. That was me! When I was only four years old!

Back then, I tried ever so hard to be good, yet I didn’t always succeed. My father would yell at me.

One time, he sounded as angry as I had when I’d hollered at my dogs. Same as with my two puppies, the big person’s anger blotted out my ability to think and hear. All I was able to do was to feel — that my father was furious at me — and that I was terrified.

All I knew was that he seemed angry enough to kill me. Out of terror, just like the dogs had, urine streamed down my legs.

Looking into my dogs’ upturned faces…

I saw how they trembled. The little dogs blinked their moist eyes hard.

Puppy Dog Eyes
Image courtesy of Tina Phillips at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Tears…

Sobbing, I sank to my knees and hugged them. It had taken six long months for me to learn that, all along, they had been trying their best to please me. Despite my ineptitude as a trainer, they had refused to give up on me. They had given me the benefit of the doubt that like them, I was trying my best.

They never gave up hope on me…

They knew I would learn to love them. Through the example of my pets, I’ve learned that the more I gaze upon everyone in my life with the benefit of a doubt, the happier we all are. We’re all doing our best, even when we could do better.

Do dogs forgive?

Here’s part 1 of this and here’s part 2.

Do you have an interesting animal experience?…