Hope for Novelists and Other Writers by da-AL

Do you have an elevator speech? Book writers are told that they need an ‘elevator speech’ — a one-minute pitch for when they inadvertently meet their star-maker. It’s also useful for talking about one’s book with everyone else.

Theoretically, that is. My elevator speech rarely gets past the first floor.

Bunny rabbit outfitted person reads paper.
Ryan McGuire of Gratisography is a smart bunny.

But I love my books, which is why I keep at them. My two novels are in the final edit phase as I build an audience of followers (that means you, dear reader) who I hope will be interested in them when they’re self-published. They’re narrated by a 40-year-old woman, in the form of letters to a deceased grandmother.

“An epistolary novel: written in the form of a series of letters.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary

The Hope Part of this Post: This video reminds me of me pitching my book — and Maria Keogh Semple’s “Where’d You Go, Bernadette” did great!

Here’s part 2 of her pitching (this time to another very successful author), which is also shown comically yet realistically…

Semple’s book is so successful that Cate Blanchette is starring in a movie version of it!

What’s been people’s reaction when you tell them about your books?

A letter to God from Dog (as discovered by da-AL)

My doggie and I were at her vet’s office, waiting for her anal glands to be expressed (eeeewwww!!!! indeedy) when we saw this anonymous missive posted on the doctor’s wall:

Pug photo by Ryan McGuire altered by da-AL
Pug photo by Ryan McGuire altered by da-AL

Dear God,

Is it on purpose that our names are the same, only reversed?

When we Dogs get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Why are cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit — yet not for a Dog? How often do you see cougars riding around? We Dogs love nice rides. Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” to the Chrysler Beagle”?

If a Dog barks her or his head off in the forest and no human hears, are they still a bad Dog?

Detail of pug photo by Ryan McGuire
Detail of pug photo by Ryan McGuire

Things we Dogs can understand:
– Human verbal instructions
– Hand signals
– Whistles
– Horns
– Clickers
– Beepers
– Scent IDs
– Electromagnetic energy fields
– Frisbee flight paths
What do humans understand?

Please, more meatballs, less spaghetti.

Are there postal carriers in heaven? If so, will I have to apologize?

Why do humans smell flowers yet seldom if ever, smell one another?

Detail of pug photo by Ryan McGuire
Detail of pug photo by Ryan McGuire

It’s not easy being a Good Dog. Here are some of the things I must remember:
– I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
– I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, or other beautiful things just because I like the way they smell.
– The litter box is not a cookie jar.
– The sofa is not a face towel.
– The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
– I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear while he sits on the toilet.
– Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way to say “hello.”
– I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
– I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house — not after.
– I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
– I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
– The cat is not a squeaky toy. The noise it makes when I play with it is not a good thing.

Sincerely,
Dog

P.S. When I go to heaven, may I have my testicles back?

Photo by Ryan McGuire
Photo by Ryan McGuire

Happy Halloween and Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) by da-AL

da-AL and her husband in Halloween 1970s disco costumes.

Get out your candy corn and candles and costumes! It’s Halloween and Dia de los Muertos aka Day of the Dead. Do you celebrate them?

Guest Blog Post: Geezer-Lit Mysteries by Mike Befeler

Ever heard of geezer-lit? I hadn’t until geezer-lit author Mike Befeler recently spoke at my local public library. He’s an entertaining speaker — plus he writes clever geezer-lit mysteries!…

I write geezer-lit mysteries. These novels feature older characters with a keep-you-guessing mystery to be solved.

My writing journey began in 2001 when I was 56 years old. I made the decision that I wanted to retire into writing and took two fiction writing courses at the University of Colorado to jump-start my writing.  My first mystery novel, Retirement Homes Are Murder, was published in 2007. There are now six books in this series featuring Paul Jacobson, an octogenarian with short-term memory loss who, in spite of not remembering the day before, becomes an amateur sleuth and even has a romance with a young chick in her seventies.

I enjoy showing a balanced view of the aging process—problems but also the humor and vitality exhibited by older people.

As an author, I get a kick out of some of the emails I receive from readers. Here is one of my favorites: “I have read your books and enjoyed them immensely, but even more fun was listening to my husband read them. He snorted, chuckled and guffawed his way through then. And the idea of geezer-lit tickled the bejabbers out of him.”

I started using the term geezer-lit after my author friend, Christine Goff, gave me this blurb for Retirement Homes Are Murder: “a wonderful debut novel­–a fitting entry in the burgeoning field of geezer-lit.”

The majority of my fourteen published books feature older characters. I used to say I was a geezer in training, but I’m now of an age where I may need to eliminate the “in training.”

Photo of Mike Befeler
Geezer-lit author Mike Befeler

About the author: Two of Mike Befeler’s books in the Paul Jacobson Geezer-lit Mystery Series were finalists for The Lefty Award for best humorous mystery. Other books include a theater mystery, a historical mystery, a sports mystery, two paranormal mysteries, an international thriller based on inventions of eccentric genius Nikola Tesla and a biography of a World War II soldier. Mike lives in Lakewood, CA, with his wife and when not writing can be seen taking his grandson to the park.

Guest Blog Post: Fiction Love by DJ Sakata

Are you getting sufficient fiction nutrition?

Non-fiction = Facts (i.e., wheat bran)

Fiction = Facts + Imagination + Heart + Soul (i.e., dark chocolate or whatever your fave food)

Our newest fellow blogger (and what a cartoonist!) friend, DJ Sakata, understands this, so how can we not like her?…

DJ Sakata self-portrait
I assume this is DJ Sakata’s self-portrait

Aloha to you lovers of tails and tales. I am DJ Sakata/Empress DJ/Honolulubelle, and a new friend of da-AL.  We met on Goodreads and were instant fangirls.   She asked me to sprinkle a few words on her blog of my love of reading. As a child and well into my teens I used to hide under the covers and read with a flashlight as my strict and priggish mother would chide and punish me if I was caught as according to her, “Reading fiction is a waste of time.”   Hmm, then I am now a total wastrel who squanders the majority of her free minutes indulging in such foolishness.  I have an eclectic reading palate, but my favorite will always be women’s fiction.

DK Sakata cartoon called 'smut toss'
Is frenemy Puka taking these for herself?

Since I’ve retired – which BTW is oh, so, sweet – I read all day in my cozy little nest with all the windows open, I live in Hawaii so I can do that year-round – don’t hate me, I’ve earned it.  I do occasionally put my Kindle down when my husband whines for food and/or attention.  I thumb my nose at my mother’s ridiculously misguided notion as I’ve noticed my vocabulary and spelling have markedly improved with the increased perusal.   I am an incredibly lazy blogger, but I do have one called Books and Bindings, which is just a small personal blog where I can toss up my silly little reviews that no one ever reads, but I don’t really care about that. If you find you are all caught up on Ms. da-AL’s posts and have a few minutes or an interest in seeing what nonsense I’ve recently read which my Bible banging mother would most certainly not approve, then come and see, or not. I’m happily whiling away in my little nook while lovingly tapping my Kindle and sipping Moscato 😉

5. Ever been told…?

Ever been told that the ultimate tragedy (and crime) for a girl or a woman is not to be regarded as physically attractive?
Ever been told that the ultimate tragedy (and crime) for a girl and a woman is not to be regarded as physically attractive?

3. Ever been told…?

Flamenco woman with text over that reads: Ever been told that 'all Middle Eastern women are sexy,' that they have 'hypnotic eyes,' & that 'you know what goes on under those burqas'?

Ever been told that ‘all Middle Eastern women are sexy,’ that they have ‘hypnotic eyes,’ and that ‘you know what goes on under those burqas’ as if they’re an exotic species?

Guest Blog Post: Help Wanted: Book Reviewers for Indie Blu(E)

grorilla hands on a laptop next to banana
Ryan McGuire of Gratisography.com has a unique perspective…

Love books? Do gorillas have hands or paws? Enjoy telling others about books? Indie Blu(E), “a collective of indie-published writers and readers who want to discover them,” needs you…

Indie Blu(e) Publishing

Six good reasons to write book reviews for Indie Blu(e):

  • Free copies of books by great indie writers
  • Advanced access to new releases
  • Further development of your writing and reviewing skills
  • Increased exposure for your writing
  • Opportunity to network with indie writers & indie publishers
  • Opportunity to support & promote indie writers

Intrigued? Contact us at indieblucollective@gmail.com

Image courtesy of Jimmi Campkin

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Guest Blog Post: A Conversation with Cathi’s New Book!

Writing a book is h-u-g-e ! Publishing it is double that! Bravo to Cathi Turow!

Photo of author Cathi Turow
Cathi Turow

Cathi says of her new book and herself: “When I was on staff at Sesame Street, the show was intentionally written on two levels, for children and adults. I’ve just published an allegorical book which lifts the show’s adult sensibility (its humor, cleverness, and spirituality) and carries it to the other side of life: growing old. The book is based on my blog and can be purchased on amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com “

A conversation between Cathi and her book…

OVER THE HILL on the YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Traveling Over the Hill on the Yellow Brick Road, I’ve had conversations with lots of weird people and things while passing through the Neighborhood of the Empty Nesters, the Avenue of Ages and Stages, climbing over Makover Mountain, visiting the Career Change Cafe, and looking back on my life in Reflecting Ridge. So…I put all those conversations together in a book, along with a story that ties everything together. Here it is! The only problem is, my book is being a hypochondriac.  While I was setting up links to Amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com, my book screamed at me: 

over_the_hill

BOOK: Ah!!!! Don’t make me travel across the internet!

Why not?

BOOK: Because I’m filled with conversations about growing older. I feel really fragile and responsible. If something happens to me on the way to Amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com, I’ll never forgive myself.

What can happen?

BOOK: If someone clicks on me, it…

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Bearded Baby Boy Dragon Bromance by da-AL

“Introduced as pets to the US during the 1990s, they are a popular exotic species pet even though Australia, from the 1960s onward, banned the sale of its wildlife to the pet trade.” Wikipedia

These little lizards can become big. Instead of hibernating, bearded dragons brumate.

This interesting image is the recent result of a visit to a pet store for some writing research (for my novel)!

2 Bearded baby boy dragons
Bearded Dragon Baby Boys by da-AL