The best love we can give each other, as well as ourselves, is to be accepting of who we are. Sharing our experiences, especially the difficult ones that helped us to grow, is the height of generosity. Rhys grew up in India and then relocated to the U.S., where he works as a physician. Together with his boyfriend, Nick, he hosts a truly heartfelt blog. You met him when he told us the first half of his ten commandments to coming out to one’s family.
Here’s the other rest of his commandments…
Part 2 of 2: “Let it go! 10 commandments of coming out of that damn closet!!” by Rhys
I hope this not-so-exhaustive list will be helpful for you all. (Part 1 of these 10 commandments is here.) Please feel free to reach out to me and/or Nick for any help!
- Have resources ready -> Again, going back to my comment about the use of technology, I would say keep some LGBT-friendly movies, newspaper articles, novels, stories of successful personalities, etc., handy. Make sure to say this to your peers and family “Take as much time as you need. Once you are ready, ask me as many questions as you want to. I can share some very helpful resources with you so you can understand more about the LGBTQ+ community.”
- Be prepared for aftereffects of the storm -> Coming out can be a SHOCK for some people (who are we kidding, it’s a shock for the majority of people!!). From the person who comes out to the people whom he/she/they come out to, everyone gets affected for a variable period of time. Aftereffects can range from minor behavioral changes to crazy fights (to the point of people being thrown out of their own homes, sadly!). So here comes the con of coming out on video calling – although you aren’t physically there to face those aftereffects every single second, you might feel guilty of not being there to support your peers (or at least I was made to feel extremely guilty for not being there and making a wrong decision of using FaceTIme). Whatever, I have no regrets of how I came out to my parents, and I think it was the right time!). Even the duration of these aftereffects can vary from a few hours to days (in my case) to few months or even years (Nick’s case and most people’s case too), which brings me to my next commandment.
- Be patient -> As I mentioned before, it can take up to 5-10 years (or maybe a lifetime) for your family to come to terms with your sexuality. Unfortunately, I know of some of my friends in the LGBTQ+ community whose families have not accepted them yet, despite it being >20 years. But don’t lose hope and be strong….
- Be strong -> As I mentioned previously that you must be 100% comfortable with yourself before coming out to people. Being comfortable with one’s self also helps to have that courage to face the world. It is NOT an easy process (but neither is life!). When I say that be strong, it doesn’t mean that you have to be the lone warrior on the battlefield. You have tons of resources at your disposal which you MUST use – movies, music (my coming out song to inspire me was Let it go from Frozen), stories of successful people (Ellen DeGeneres, being one of my inspirations), your partner(s) 😉 , best friends, etc.
- Hope for the best and have faith – Eventually, it will work out!! Don’t lose hope, think positive, and try to keep yourself occupied (especially in the immediate coming out period) to destress. Coming out is a tough step (in fact, a MILESTONE for every LGBTQ+ community member), so be PROUD of yourself and everything you have achieved.
I wish you all the very best for the next big step in life.
As I said before, Let it go…..
Love,
Rhys
A bit about Rhys in his own words: Rhys: A simple guy, who was oblivious of the gay world, fell in love with the most unexpected person… Now wants to share what it feels like to be in love and the experiences of being gay….!!!
Here is Part 1 of his 10 commandments.
Has a family member come out to you? What did you or what would you reply to them?…
Happiness Between Tails by da-AL 
We are each who we are and deserve love for that very special reason. Wishing the best for Rhys. Thanks for featuring his wise commandments, Daal.
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Excellent two posts, Rhys. Yes, despite the fact that our families (the ones my guy and I share) are full of intelligent progressive loving people, our nephew grew up realizing he was gay when he was a teenager, but kept it to himself for many difficult years. I guess he felt he’d be shamed? Stigmatized? That his parents would be disappointed? He really suffered until finally, when he was in his early 20’s, he ‘came out.’ His family was so thankful and grateful that he was strong enough to be himself and to share his story about who he was. Total acceptance from everyone in the family from the get-go. Now he wishes he hadn’t waited so long. Hopefully with posts and suggestions like yours, more girls and boys/women and men, will feel free to declare their life choices with no fear of prejudice or discrimination.
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I agree, Pamela. So glad it worked out well for your nephew…
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I can’t even 10% imagine what this feels like. And that parents would throw their own child out.
I am thinking of the times when Catholics and Protestants could not intermarry without being cast out of their societies, same idiocy and narrowmindedness. People can be so weird …
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Very true, Birgit. There was a time here when white couldn’t marry black, caucasians couldn’t marry asian, so many injustices.
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Thank you for sharing!.. it is indeed sad that there are so many closed minded mortals in the world’s society who will not accept one for who they are or what they believe.. and not just the subject matter of being gay.. 🙂
“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary” Steve Jobs
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Exactly, Dutch…
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Such a great read. I had a friend come out a few years ago and it was no big deal but the relief I saw once he did was AWESOME. Sadly we have too many hateful people in this world that make it hard for those who want to come out.
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Very true, unfortunately.
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A very inspiring and profound read, da-AL. It does not matter what each individual likes to be whether gay or not, he needs to be a good human being. Thanks for the awesome share.
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Well said 🙂
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Thanks.
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I find it strange that it is still so difficult to tell friends and family that you are gay. It is sad the world is still so accepting of difference. I honestly think they have to be quite determined in their mindset not to work it out anyway. I have stood by a few friends during their “coming out” with a friendship group and they have asked from my assistance because they knew I knew. If you have any sensitivity and appreciation of a person, you do pick up on the subtle signals that are there.
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I agree, Roberta. Hopefully times will continue to get better
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