Even in the best of times, relationships can be complicated. Sometimes we know something is wrong, but we’re not sure whether we should keep trying to make it work and whether the problem lies within our own actions or those of the other person. On her Looking for the Light blog, Melinda Sandor of Texas offers a link to a list of insights on how to ‘Keep Moving Forward’ in the worst of times…
When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, the best and obvious thing for you to do is leave. But sometimes that’s easier said than done. If you’re in a trauma bond, therapists say it will make leaving that situation even harder
“A trauma bond is an intense emotional bond between people that usually forms as a result of a toxic or abusive dynamic,” Samantha Waldman, MHC, an NYC-based therapist who specializes in trauma and relationships, tells Bustle.
A past history of abuse or exposure to it can make a person more likely to form trauma bonds. For instance, people who experienced some form of neglect or abuse from childhood may normalize this behavior as an adult because it’s what they “learned.”
As Dr. Connie Omari, clinician and owner of Tech Talk Therapy, tells Bustle, trauma bonding includes the tendency for a person to connect…
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I think I realized pretty quick I was in a toxic relationship when nothing was her fault either it was me or society against her when she screwed up and I specially got the point when she pulled a knife on me. That pretty much solidified what everyone was telling me, that she is a crazy-narcisist-sociopath. A knife? First time I hit a woman to take that Blade out of her hand coming at me, and then I´m out the door running. Sends me to court for violence against women and I win, which is strange since normally women win. But all the witnesses that I didn´t know and saw the incident corroborated the statement I told the judge and the idiot prosecutor at the beggining. Talk about toxic….
congrats for winning & sorry you had to go thru. perhaps in a way she did you a favor, as I find that the most difficult crazy-makers can be the subtle ones…
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Great insight and thanks for sharing!
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A separation is instructive for both partners and there is a chance that they will find together again.
But that takes time.
Juergen from Loy (PJP)
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very true. I often quote Anne Patchett, a novelist who’s books I love, who’s said it should be harder to marry, easier to divorce
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I think I realized pretty quick I was in a toxic relationship when nothing was her fault either it was me or society against her when she screwed up and I specially got the point when she pulled a knife on me. That pretty much solidified what everyone was telling me, that she is a crazy-narcisist-sociopath. A knife? First time I hit a woman to take that Blade out of her hand coming at me, and then I´m out the door running. Sends me to court for violence against women and I win, which is strange since normally women win. But all the witnesses that I didn´t know and saw the incident corroborated the statement I told the judge and the idiot prosecutor at the beggining. Talk about toxic….
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congrats for winning & sorry you had to go thru. perhaps in a way she did you a favor, as I find that the most difficult crazy-makers can be the subtle ones…
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Thanks for sharing!.. “I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.” 🙂
“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.” Richard Bach
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❤
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That explains a lot, especially why people cannot leave an abusive partner. I understand that much better now.
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Great post, well explained.
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