Especially when I’m working on my novels-in-progress, my inner cynic can loom as one heck of an ogre. When I deny my fears, negativity wipes out my ability to capitalize on my strengths.
Caz, today’s guest, runs her Invisibly Me dot com blog out of England. She started her first blog when she was only thirteen years old!
She’s a warrior when it comes to facing invisible hardships. Her blog posts offer practical help, not syrupy platitudes about how to overcome difficulty. At her aptly named site, Invisibly Me, she describes what it’s like to endure chronic pain no one can see. Caz is young and lovely, so people have trouble believing she lives with an ileostomy. An ileostomy is a surgical operation wherein the ileum part of the small intestine is diverted to an artificial opening in the abdominal wall.
Read on for a sample of her great advice…
“Focus on What You Can Do, Not What You Can’t,” by Caz
I wrote this with chronic illness in mind, but it also applies to other spheres of life, from living arrangements to your financial situation.
Focussing on what you can’t do.
It can become a vicious cycle, leaving us exhausted and disheartened before we even begin. It can happen for various reasons. Looking at how things used to be in the past, such as before chronic illness took hold. It may be from social pressures concerning what we ‘should’ be doing at this point in our lives. It may be from comparing your life to how you thought it would look, or comparing your situation to that of your peers.
For whatever reason, it’s good to work on acknowledging and accepting the situation and what you can’t necessarily change right now. Then, redefine what’s important to you, not what you feel you ‘should’ value or want. Write your own rules. Find new paths to explore and get creative to find ways to get there. Maybe you can’t do certain things, but there will always be options and alternatives. There are always small changes you can make and actions to take to improve your situation or live your best life. You may just have to look a little harder to find them.
It’s also about readjusting expectations and making them more realistic and manageable.
Take note of the things you can be grateful for that often get lost in the midst of pain and illness, or stress and worry. It’s about looking at the things you’re good at and the positives you can eek out of your situation and experiences. You’ve become stronger and more resilient. Perhaps you’ve met new people in person or online, such as through blogging or support groups. Maybe you’re more compassionate, empathic, have found a new skill or have become more appreciative of the small joys in life.
When we focus on the negatives, the limitations or the things we can’t change, we give up our power. By honing in on those things you can’t do or have, or the ways in which you feel constrained, it limits your perspective and experiences even more so.
By focusing on the can’t-do’s, you’re reducing yourself and your life.
You are more than just the things you can’t do.
Empower yourself by looking at what you can do, no matter how small. Look at the things you can change, the tasks you can accomplish, the things you can choose to do.
Instead of ‘I can’t do…’, change it to ‘but I can do…’.
You’re doing the best you can, with the cards you’ve been dealt and the situation you find yourself in. A little jiggle of perspective can make a big difference. Don’t close yourself off from possibilities. Instead, think outside the box and take back some control over your life. You may just find that you’re capable of more than you imagined.
Are you or anyone you know challenged by invisible pain?