Now We Are 3 (only) by da-AL

Pierre, da-AL, Lola, K-D
Pierre a few months ago, at about 14 years old.

This morning I stayed in bed till late. I was awake, but I didn’t want to get up to a house without Pierre in it.

Yesterday I had to put my dog down. Such a gentle euphemism for murder. To put one to sleep. My dear, dear dog-man trusted me, yet I tricked him. First by lulling him into thinking it was a normal day by asking my husband to roast a chicken at home that delighted his nose and soothed his belly. But afterward a vet arrived. She knotted a tourniquet at his rear thigh, shaved an area below it, and injected a sedative. His fitful gasping evened, his pain-blinded stare softened. Amid caresses and loving murmurs, the vet administered a second shot to finish him off.

My dear Pierre at 9 months old.

But Pierre lingered within his peaceful half-sleep. So another shave. Then a third shot to a different leg. That one finally killed him.

Nicer ways exist to frame this, but my heart won’t listen to the many fine arguments for how, whether, and when.

No, I don’t know of a better way to have done it. When his kidneys began to fail, and arthritis increasingly ravaged his days and nights, I promised us two things; he’d never take another trembling ride to a vet, and he’d never be wet again (he was a Labrador mix one-of-a-kind who hated water).

Fortunately, we could afford to have a vet to visit our home for those final injections. Fortunately, I could be with Pierre, my sweetest, most uncomplicated of friendships and loves. Fortunately, he’d lived a good long life, as dog lives go.

Pierre at 8 weeks old.

All the same, this was the awfullest decision I hope ever to make.

Life is beautiful, merciless, humbling.

Pierre (right) with his twin sister.

As much as our recent time together — these months of arranging throw rugs, moving furniture, closing doors so he wouldn’t get tangled among legs or be locked into rooms or slip and not be able to get back up, all which upset him to no end — these months of his hobbled struggle to follow me everywhere and to share walks with his sisters even though he’d fall within a few steps from home — this stoic period when, despite his waning appetite, he’d eat all that my family hand fed him while I experimented with healing remedies and weight gaining foods — this era when we set ramps and nudged him up and I learned the trick to gathering his 55 pounds into my arms to navigate down — these weeks of carrying him outside to pee in the middle of the night because the shame of soiling his diapers showed naked in his eyes (debilitated kidneys need volumes more water to compensate)…

Pierre (right) in better times.

and even though yesterday was the worst, today not a whole lot better…

I am thankful for every moment we shared. Hopefully, he knew he was loved…

150 thoughts on “Now We Are 3 (only) by da-AL

  1. Bill March 30, 2018 / 3:09 pm

    I so much understand…and deeply appreciate your thoughts. So sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. John Wilson March 29, 2018 / 5:07 pm

    We had a black lab mix. He was a rescue dog. Looked a lot like yours. His name was Lucas and he hated water. Had to hold an umbrella to get him to pee outside if it was raining. At 14 years old we had to kill him. Thats the only word for it. Ugly, but truthful. It nearly killed me. I said then “no more dogs”. But four years later a loud and annoying bag of fur found its way into our house. It is the little demon masquerading as a angel that is my avatar. So I know what you went through. But I guess time does heal most wounds of the heart after all.

    Liked by 2 people

    • da-AL March 29, 2018 / 7:41 pm

      Thanks much for your kind words, John. So sorry for your loss too — & a glad for your new sweet doggie

      Like

  3. Leslie March 28, 2018 / 5:10 pm

    Oh….I’m sorry that Pierre is no longer with your family, but I’m touched by the things you’ve shared in your post. Thank you, and I’m sure that Pierre felt your love.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. bernard25 March 23, 2018 / 2:14 am

    Bonjour ou Bonsoir mes amies , amis

    J’aime venir parfumer ton joli blog
    Avec un parfum qui vient du cœur
    Mon plus beau parfum de l’amitié
    Pour embellir notre vie
    Ce parfum qui fait mon bonheur
    Je te l’offre avec mon coeur
    En te souhaitant une excellente journée ou soirée

    Avec un champ de Roses parfumés

    Gros Bisous

    Bernard

    Liked by 1 person

  5. krcc March 20, 2018 / 5:46 am

    The pic of Pierre at 8 wks old is priceless. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. PATRICK STORIES March 19, 2018 / 11:25 pm

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    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. PATRICK STORIES March 19, 2018 / 11:25 pm

    Such an awesome  pictures like this as I view the pictures in your post.

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    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • da-AL March 19, 2018 / 9:51 pm

      they are truly wonderful. for their sakes as well as for the sakes of eveyrone around them, they must be trained though, so it’s best to educate yourself before you get one

      Liked by 1 person

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